The Orange

As they say, a bad day at golf still beats a good day at the office.

The Scene: The Holden Scramble at Wainuiomata. What a course

The Players: T, P, and DD. P and DD expected T to carry the day.

Team talk at 9, practise at the course 9.30-10 and at the tee at 10.15 for a 10.30 tee. Somehow, we didn’t find out that the start had been put back half an hour but we did wonder why were were the ONLY group who knew when tee off was.

Straight down the middle of the first hole – we should have given up then.

Nothing much went our way. Or you could be less charitable and say we were crap.

My particular highlight (we were playing ambrose) was putting last and missing the same three foot putt T and P had missed and then missing the 9 inch “tap in”.

The saddest part of it all was that after spending 5 hours on the course, we had the option of heading straight back to the 19th for a well deserved drink or playing back along the 18th. So we played the 18th for a second time while the other group scampered back to the clubhouse!

So the Three Sad Amingos tried and failed but we will ride again (if our wives let us).

It will be a short one tonight, as the bishop said to the priest … oops, I mean actress.

I’m in training for the Holden Scramble.

While it may sound like a mad dash for a car wearing a black t-shirt and a mullet, it is in fact a golf tournament for wannabees.

I wannabee long and straight – off the tee that is!

With my short irons, I want be high and on the spot without having to go through what Marc Ellis went.

With the putts, I want to sink ‘em like the Aussie Am Cup yacht.

I’m not asking for much, am I?

Just experimenting – see what happens when I post twice in a day.

Those little blue pills would obviously help.

No, seriously, it’s good to experiment.

Like the All Blacks need to experiment every now and then.

Imagine if Tana got injured. The All Blacks could do something crazy like play a player at centre who’s never played that position in his life.

That would be one crazy effed up experiment wouldn’t it? Let’s hope if they ever need to try anything crazy like that, they do it in a game against Italy or Fiji and not, say, a WC semifinal.

That’s not an experiment, that’s effing crazy, isn’t it??

Big weekend coming up – golf (actually off the blog and onto the course) on Friday then the GF on Sunday.

As Foxy said, you can’t expect us professionals to keep it up all the time.

Especially if we don’t have a supply of blue pills.

Enjoy the rest. Chill out. Relaaaaaaax. But don’t relax as much as Marc Ellis. Not that those pills were blue.

Mind you winning GFs is got to be ecstacy …

Grant Fox – legend that he is – has come out in the Sunday Star Times and claimed that playing rugby’s not a real job … it’s harder.

Give me strength!

A real job involves working for 40 hours a week on less than $20 an hour with a mortgage to pay and a family to feed.

Somehow, lots of people manage to do this.

And with their real job – after Aunty Helen has extracted her pound and a half of flesh and all the other bills have been paid – the real workers then spend money following footy.

They subscribe to Sky.

Or buy merchandising.

If they’re lucky, they may even be able to afford to pay for test tickets.

From all of this, the tens of thousands of real workers, comes salaries so players can be paid what the real workers only dream about.

I’m not doubting that Fox has a point. It must be draining to play at such a high level week after week. The physical demands are also something the rest of us don’t have to put up with nor do we suffer the consequences.

But if ANYONE is earning the types of money that the AB’s are earning, then they should expect to have to perform.

I’m not saying that it’s not a good idea to rest players so that we win the important games. Good idea Foxy.

But if you really think that rugby is harder than a real job, you should talk to the poor bastards with real jobs who are at the end of the foodchain and pay for the professional rugby salaries.

First things first – before I wrote this post I had to create a category for soceer.

The KnightMarez, the A-League, the World Cup … none of these things demanded a post.

A Kiwi playing for a team beating Man U … now THAT demands recognition.

What is strange is that the media seems to have got over its Nelsenmania. First, trees were being sacrificed on a daily basis just for journos to tell us that Ryan Nelsen was going to have a trial with Blackburn. Then he got the trial.

When Nelsen got a contract with Rovers, you can almost see the lumberjacks heading off to the forest.

Then came the debut, the captaincy in an FA cup game, and the revised contract worth more than the total budget for a Z-team … oops an A-team roster. Each time, out come the chainshaws.

For some reason, the game this weekend didn’t quite get the journos gushing, even tho it could prove to be a historic match for Man U – some UK papers are claiming this could be the end for Fergie. And if you think we’re talking about the Princess Shopalot, you need to stop reading those women’s mags.

Seeing a Kiwi shine in the Premiership is still a little surreal, like thinking of Sean Marks as a NBA winner. We’ll just have to get used to it.

Imagine this … in ten years time, the NPC Division 1 final is between the Tasman merged entity and Hawkes Bay. And no, I’m not on crack.

Compare that scenario with the NRL.

So it was a 500-1 change that the Tigers meet the Cowgirls in the Final Final. What odds will you give the mythical NPC final between two of the expansion teams?

The point is worth noting – the NRL has become a true contest where every team – bar, it would seem the hapless Bunnies – has a genuine chance of playing for the big one.

The reason is simple – salary cap. The NRL must have pissed off a few of the big clubs by not only introducing a salary cap, but enforcing it.

The results are obvious – teams like the Bulldogs and the Roosters can’t even make the top 8.

By comparison, the NPC is predictable and boring in terms of its inevitable outcome. The only possible exception to one of the S12 franchises winning the NPC is North Harbour and they’ve never won the NPC.

The NZRFU lacked the balls to follow up with a true salary cap but compromised on a salary cap that was large enough to ensure that the big teams can keep all their players.

The only thing that saves the NZRFU from being totally outmanaged is the Aussie League’s failure to look after international league.

Apart from that, the NZRFU just ain’t in the same league as their NRL counterparts.

Watched the footy tonight, mate.

Not that toffy-nosed yawnion or aerial ping pong bastard game played in Melbin – the true blue game, mate.

Jeez, those Kiwi blokes played well – you would have thought they had been promised an extra dole payment or some fush and chups! Ha ha bloody sheep shaggers.

That Far-toohey-rar … he was good. Benji Marshall … mate, he cut them up! Gee, how come he can’t play for the Blues??? So he was born in NZ – OK, he might have lived there until he was 16 but he only went to school in Queensland for a couple of years – he’s a New South Welshman mate.

But that Dene Halatua – mate – he was something else. Scored a couple of tries and tackled like a track.

Gee if the Kiwis had all their players, they could be quite good.

Perhaps Halatau should get his shoulder fixed when Benji gets his done.

Maaate

I refused to listen to the Shield game tonight for the obvious reason that I knew the result … sort of.

It was obvious that the script would go something like this.

Wellington will take a lead or at least be in contention.

They will score a moral victory, be robbed by the bounce of the ball, soem dodgy refereeing decision, or an Act of God (at Jade Stade it’s more likely an Act of Toddy).

It will be a draw – in shield games no better than a 100-point drubbing or a 1 or 2 point loss.

There will be the what ifs.

See what I mean?

I must apologise to both of my readers (I’m using a little license here and have at least doubled the number of readers who traverse these pages).

I wrote my previous post when I was sober.

What was worse, I appeared to take myself far too seriously. In fact, I seriously took myself too seriously.

My concern is that if I do this regularly, I become a serial serious blogster (which uses a different port to a parallel port).

We shouldn’t forget, sport isn’t life and death – it’s much more important than that.

The next time I get too serious, try reminding me of the following:
- my golf handicap
- my batting average at first grade (2 games, 1 bat, 2 runs, average 2)
- the fact I still support the Warriors and used to care
- the fact I PAID to see a Kingz game
- the fact that I watch Trackside without a bet on

Now that’s serious!