The Orange

Poor David Beckham.

He’s stuck with that slapper tart from the Spice Girls, gets mobbed wherever he goes, gets blamed whenever England loses an international, then gets a hard time about his kid’s maths homework.

Plenty of parents struggle with their kids homework. Calculus, foreign languages, accounting – all of this can be tough.

So we shouldn’t really extract the urine with respect to Mr Posh – especially as it is different from when he was at school:

“I think it was maths, actually. It’s done totally differently to what I was teached (sic) when I was at school, and you know, I was like, ‘Oh my God, I can’t do this’.”

The fact that Mr Posh’s son is only six is irrelevant – it’s the principle at stake (or the principal having a steak for those linguistically challenged).

How about David Tua helping out with spelling lessons?

Any rugby league playing helping out with foreign languages … “Le chat est sur la table, mate”.

Or the Bulldogs after a preseason trip … “La table est sur le chat, mate.”

Troy Flavell helping with co-operative problem resolution.

Shane Warne giving advice on sex education?

Mick Watson wouldn’t be asked to help out with maths homework. In fact, you’d expect he’d be suspended for cheating in the exam.

I saw this story on 3 News – and it’s definitely worth checking out BEFORE Disney gets hold of it.

In a nutshell – Jason McElwain is an autistic kid who is the “manager” of a high school team in the States. After 4 years of handing out towels and water, for the last game of the season he gets to sit on the bench.

The rest of it is partially predictable but also unbelievable – you wouldn’t believe it if it was a Disney movie.

In fact, I WOULDN’T beleive it if it was a Disney movie out of principle especially given what they did to the “true” story of based on Remember the Titans. Just for starters, in the movie the champs were won with the last pass of the game – in real life, the Titans dicked the opposition.

Anyway, do Disney out of a movie and check this out:

Go to CBS News
Click on High School Hero
Watch the story in the screen on the bottom right

If that doesn’t work, check out the story here.

OK, I have a choice – write a post and get back into weeding the garden.

Hmmm … let me think for a moment.

Now, where was I?

The Super 14 is starting to throw up the odd surprise.

The failure of the Blues to win their first couple of games and then just scraping past the Reds

The Hurricanes still being inconsistent but winning their first three games

The Cheetahs winning a game

At this stage of the season, you would think the semis would likely involve:

Crusaders

Hurricanes

Bulls

Waratahs

Anyone got a job for a used Super 14 Coach, experience in Australia and NZ, and not John Mitchell?

And a final thought. When can we sort out the uniforms?? Hellllooo!! It’s not difficult is it? The home team has a dark strip and the away team has a light strip.

What do we get? In two games, the both teams were wearing a primary black strip with a secondary colour. The socks look idenitical, the shorts are the same, it just doesn’t add up.

The solution is simply – a dark home strip with a reverse away strip to avoid all confusion.

It’s not rocket science is it?

It hasn’t taken long for the Force to find out they won’t be as much a force as they’d like to be.

If you can’t beat the Chiefs at home – particularly at the end of a South African trip – then you’ll find life is going to be tough at the bottom.

Last night’s game showed the difference between the depth in NZ and Oz.

No amount of Aussie bullwords and bravado can hide the fact that there isn’t the depth in Oz for four teams and the decision was simply about less travel and more money.

I doubt that the S14 semis will be all black but there’s more chance of that than the Force making the final four.

Let’s hope a few people at the Warriors read this story on Stuff.

The Tigers WIN by paying $500K under the salary cap.

The Warriors LOSE even after cheating the salary cap.

What’s worse, the Warriors have got the fan and corporate support of a country the same size as the Sydney market.

Then there’s the development potential with the potential talent available to the Warriors the envy of the entire NRL.

Forget about saving points. The Warriors have to reconcile with their fans if they are ever to become the team they should be.

Troy Flavell makes his much anticipated return to Super Rugby (it’s very trendy to drop the numbers you know!).

Sadly, it’s much anticipated by the journos who are just waiting for Big Bad Troy to revive his Baddest Man in the Land act.

So, right now (according to Stuff website) he’s “tough and uncompromising”.

How long before it’s “dirty thug” or the like?

We wait with interest.

Any sane person would have questioned why anyone could be a Warriors fan?

It’s tough enough being a league fan in the land of rugby without the seemingly endless and increasingly farcical moments that come out of the Panmure Warriors (right now, they have no right to claim to represent New Zealand).

The vision has always been there – a single team from New Zealand that can compete with and beat the best from Australia.

But, sadly, the Warriors seem to be no more than a procession of self-made dramas.

In the first season, the Warriors would have made the playoffs had it not been for playing too many interchange players in their first win. Unbelievable and unforgiveable, particularly since the coach was John Monie. What could have been if the Warriors had made the play offs that first year?

We’ve then had the dark years under “Happy” Frank and not quite so happy Mark – both failing to turn the corner. Actually, every time the turned the corner, the got hit by a train coming the other way.

Things seemed to and did improve under Daniel Anderson before the team once again imploded. The treatment of Ali still amazes given that he could have been and should have been the Sonny Bill of the NRL.

It doesn’t seem to stop – Tony Kemp tried and failed and Ivan Clearly seems to ended up with a challenge on his hands.

But to get caught doing what they seem to have done after what happens to the Bulldogs simply beggars belief. Worse, it treats us fans like idiots and presumes that we will continue to support and prop up a team that increasingly doesn’t deserve our dollars and our support.

Keep the faith? Not for much longer.

Without a doubt it’s got to be:

“What will we do with the drunken Sailor?”

As you can well imagine, Wendell will no doubt be spewing about all the media attention.

This is a public service warning – the following post does not intend to extract urine or in other way yank parts of your body. Really.

But if I started a post with Nepal just beat New Zealand in the plate final of the U19 Cricket champs, you WOULD think I’m either a) taking the piss OR b) yanking your chain OR c) taking the wrong drugs OR d) all of the above.

[I accept that there should be an e) Until I am aware of the standard required for this level, I am unable to answer the question for the poor sods you have been educated under the NCEA. I pity them when they eventually find out that there are right and wrong answers.]

Anyway, back to I’m-not-yanking-your-chain post about Nepal beating New Zealand at cricket (no doubt paybakc for our Ed beating their Sherpa to the top of the world in the 1956 Vertical Extreme 100 metres dash).

It must be true because it’s in the NZ Herald.

Admittedly, it was a close game – NZ lost by a wicket with 2 balls to spare. And at one stage, the Nepalise/Nepalis/Nepolitan/team from Nepal was seventy odd for 6 chasing 205.

To really rub our noses in it, the Bangalesh team (playing at home) had beaten NZ earlier in the tournament.

The only redeeming point was that the South Africans had been beaten by the Nepaese in the semis.

Do we hang our heads in shame or at least Coach Dipak’s?

Sure, the home conditions would have played their part. That’s underlined by the fact that both India and Pakistan made the final.

The one day game is a bit of a lottery while the sub-continent countries seems to have a much better record of developing younger talent – think Tendulkar playing as a 16 yo. Their attitude appears to be if you’re good enough, if you’re old enough.

But for all the justifications you can think of, it’s just not a good look, NZ losing to Nepal at anything except alpine yak racing.

What next – Nepal beating the All Blacks in the final of the 2051 World Cup Rugby??? Mind you with our record in the RWC, it would be less surprising than the U19 cricketers losing to Nepal.

So I’m no Flo Jo … I know.

I’m not fricking poet either, and don’t I know it.

But there I was … on a Sunday morning when I could have been – should have been – either in bed or at the golf course.

Instead, like another 10,000 lemmings, I was putting one foot in front of the other participating in the most oxymoronic thing I can think off … a fun run.

Can someone please explain how the hell a run can ever be considered “fun”?

What not take that concept to its natural extension? Why not go to the dentist for “fun”?

Why wouldn’t you wake up in the morning and think – Gee, I feel like giving more of salary to the government because I really don’t pay enough taxes. Now that’s fun!

Why not elect Helen Clark and her lot again because they’re so much fun. We did?? It must have been those nutters who think running is for fun.

Not everyone saw the health benefits that come from the run … or perhaps they thought that the fag they were sharing BEFORE the run would wear off by the end of the run.

Actually, as bad as it looks, at least I could relate to our recreational smokers … which is not what I could say about some of the runners. I struggled my way around the 7 km course (I was going to say “scenic” but you could take a taxi if you wanted to look at things). With at least a third of the course to go, along come the athletes running the other way. Not happy with the little stroll that we humans were still struggling with, the alpha types were warming down by running back to where they came from. Bastards.

I hate the fun run so much I just have to do it again next year.