The Orange

The problem of being number one (not that I know from experience) is that there’s only one way to go.

The Aussie cricketers finally came face to face with reality with a 1-4 hiding at the hands of the Yarpies in the ODI series that finished last night.

And the Yarpies didn’t really fancy themselves at the one day game – yet.

True, the Aussies were missing a fair bit of talent.  Lee, Clark, Clarke (Mr Bikini Model), Symonds were just some of the players missing.

In the past, the Aussies would have rolled another player off their production line.  Not this time.

This time (I need to be a bit original with my vocab don’t I), it’s was the Yarpies who rested three of the their top players on top of missing their inspirational wanker of a captain.  Oops that just slipped out!

On top of that, the Aussies rushed back a couple of players including Michael Clarke but to no avail.

The long on King Ricky’s face as it all fell down around him – priceless.

One team dominating for two long doesn’t do much for a game.  The Aussies have dominated for more than a decade but now face real competition from the Yarpies and the Indians with the prospect that all the other teams will fancy their chances.

Even the Sydney Morning Herald agrees:

WHETHER South Africa are ready for the No.1 ranking is irrelevant, because Australia is no longer on their level, nor India’s.

The crown is gone and Australia are languishing behind the other two nations in form and depth. Gone too is the killer instinct and ability to forge back-breaking partnerships when it matters most.

And a little late:

India and the Proteas will fight it out with Australia for the No.1 ranking in coming weeks but where the foreign teams are rising, Australia have clearly fallen.

The King died last night at the WACA … long live the King!

It’s a bit of a worry when the rationale for a post is the pun in the title but I will persist anyway.

Actually, the real reason for posting about the tennis is a couple of great quotes I’ve flogged from the Herald.

Serena Williams has bulldozed her way into the wome’s final of the Aussie Open and will have to start favourite based on her form and her record in finals at Melbourne – 3-zip.

Because Serena and her planetary sister don’t chase ranking points, they don’t normally feature in the top rankings although when they do turn up at tournaments, they typically make a big impression.

For the record, if she does win, it will be her 10 Major, admittedly some way behind Steffi Graf on 22 titles.

Which is a nice segue into some quotes in this morning’s Granny Herald featuring Williams:

“My greatest match … was when I was younger and I beat Andy Roddick. He’ll hate me for saying that. There’s an argument about the score. I think I beat him like 6-1. He says it was 6-4. He always says he’s ready for a rematch but there’s no need for a rematch.”

Nine-times tennis Grand Slam winner Serena Williams fondly recalls defeating Andy Roddick in a one-set practice match as a kid.

* * *

“She forgets to mention that it was 1993 … we were 10, and I had to literally run around in the shower to get wet. I was [as skinny as a finger] and she was bench pressing dump trucks already at that time. I told her that yesterday, and she got a good laugh.”

Roddick’s reply

I posted earlier about Tana’s Toulon Torment.  (That’s just an excuse to repeat the tacky allileration but it’s got a ring to it!)

Anyway, that post is the most read post EVER (yep, more than 2 reads!!!)

And believe it or not, someone actually responded who wasn’t trying to spam me or sell me pharmaceuticals I can’t pronounce or don’t need.

And even more unbelievable, he talked sense.  And he seemed to know a few things too.

Boudjellal will made a big annoucement the 26 of january

Bingo!

Is Umaga gone? I don’t think so.Not yet.

Bingo again!

Anyway, the Herald had the full story about Umaga’s return from the land of the grave and the acute:

In a shock announcement, Toulon president Mourad Boudjellal also revealed that former All Blacks captain Umaga would resurrect his playing career at the club after hanging up his boots last season following promotion from the second division.

Apparently, Tana’s considering recalling Colin Meads to beef up the second row.

As for Tana’s return, you’ve got to think it’s great PR but a big risk for Tana.

The problem of being a legend (I’m starting to take myself a little too seriously here I know but it won’t last long) is that legends live in the past.

Tana is playing in the present and it’s his future he should be worried about.

To all of those Yellow Fever supporters out there, sorry to disappoint you.

On second thoughts, you mightn’t be disappointed after all.

Yes, he scored.  And no, we’re not talking Shane Smeltz.

Apparently, 27-year-old Croatian footballer Dino Drpic had a rumpy pumpy fantasy to do the wild thing in the middle of the pitch at night. And he’s a light’s on man too.

I can see why he’d want to leave the lights on too!

Lights On

Did anyone mention she’s a Playboy model?

Any way, he’s now on the transfer list.

I’m not sure if she is, but if our Ricky is looking for a bit of talent for the Phoenix, I’m willing to take one for the team and undertake a scouting mission in Croatia.

Revisionists of any flavour get my goat (whatever that means) every time.

There seems to be a movement to call “soccer” football as an attempt to show we are now serious about the game and that NZ is now part of the beautiful game.

Someone, these people infer at the very least that we are somehow backward because we call the game soccer.

The irony of course is that for these plonkers they are showing their ignorance, not mine.

Soccer is actually an English term for association football – soccer is to association football as rugger is to rugby football.  So own goal one – soccer is actually an English term for the game.

I can only guess but I suspect that the above explanation is close to the reason why the grassroots, working class Poms hated the term and called it football.

Second point according to the great unwashed, because the whole world uses “football” to describe soccer hence we are meatheads for failing to fall into line.

The same article I referenced above also points out the obvious – the most populous western country (USA in case you need a bit of help with Buzz Big Quiz) refers to the game as soccer for the very reason that football means something different entirely – NFL.

Likewise, in NZ, while soccer was played, football meant one thing – rugby.

Depending on where you are in Oz, football could mean rugby (union), rugby league, or aerial ping pong AKA AFL.  For fook’s sake, AFL even has Football in its name yet these plonkers want us to believe that ONLY soccer can be called football?

So people think football is international?  OK, you may get some understanding about “football” but the name itself is not universal.  For example, the French word for the ball played in football is NOT le football but le ballon.  Mais oui!

The same people who try to tell us to call soccer football should go to the States and try and tell the Sherman tanks that their sidewalk is in fact a footpath.

You call it tomato, I call it a red vegetable (or is it a fruit**).

** According to Wikipedia:

Botanically, a tomato is the ovary, together with its seeds, of a flowering plant: therefore it is a fruit or, more precisely, a berry. However, the tomato is not as sweet as those foodstuffs usually called fruits and, from a culinary standpoint, it is typically served as part of a salad or main course of a meal, as are vegetables, rather than at dessert in the case of most fruits. As noted above, the term vegetable has no botanical meaning and is purely a culinary term.

It’s the weekend, so just like the hack media, here’s a potted review to show I wasn’t asleep the whole time.

$onny Bill Williams’ future is apparently in jeopardy.  So why would he be appearing in a game show?? OK, seriously folks (both of you), no shock, no horror, no probe.

Tana’s almost gone and if as it seems certain he does go there goes Sonny’s future with Toulon.  Mind you, his future at Toulon is better than in league in Aussie (none) or his future coming back to NZ to play union (almost none).

The Phoenix fell at the final hurdle although that wasn’t too much of a surprise.  The fact that the Nix were still in it at the last weekend of the season was the biggest surprose of all.

With Smeltz and Moss (to a lesser extent) gone, the Nix are already preparing for next year by signing Diego Not-Maradonna.

And finally, Roy but not of the Rovers thinks our Brendon is shit.  Sorry, he didn’t say that, he called him a lump of shit.

You’d think that Roy would have learnt a little bit about calling people names, especially when animals are involved.

And a horse won the Wellington Cup.  Well done, horse.

I posted a couple of days ago about The Crowd Goes Wild … which prompted me to find this classic.  Enjoy!

TCGW – Shortland St

The Wellington Cup will be run later today.

It used to be (past tense) one of NZ’s top races.  More accurately, it was – like the Melbourne Cup – a two mile test of the top stayers in NZ.

Horses like Kiwi and Castletown (three times no less) forged their reputations in the race.

Sadly, the calibre of the field has dropped over past years leading to a downgrade in the race from Group One (the top 20 odd races in NZ) to Group Two.

As a result of this, the Wellington Racing Club have taken the brave (some say stupid) decision to reduce the length of the race from 3200m to 2400m.

If either of you are still reading, you may be wondering what the point is.

And a good point that is to!

Racing traditionalists were definitely up in arms – you can mess with a lot of things but not tradition.

The problem with tradition is that it looks backwards.

In the meantime, going forward, a critical change has already happened with the racing calendar.

The Auckland Cup which used to (past tense again) provide a lead up race to the Wellington Cup is now raced in March.  Now worth $1 mill, the Auckland Cup now has the upper hand.

Some would argue that the drop in standard of the Wellington Cup simply reflects the standard of horses racing around in the longer races.

Regardless, today marks an important change in tradition and to the biggest day of punting in NZ.

There will be plenty of interest in the races today – long after the horses are back in their stables.

When I can, I try to watch The Crowd Goes Wild – 30 minutes of sports beats Shorty St any time – except when TCGW does Shorty St (coming soon!).

Now I could say lots of positive things about the programme but not after Rigor questioned the merit of sports blogging.  (That Paul Moor IS funny – he should get his own blog!!!)

So here’s the top 10 reasons for sports blogging:

10.  You don’t have to be good at a sport to blog about it (like Rigor and any sport except cricket).

9.  When you make a dick of yourself no one’s watching.  (Mind you it’s also true to say no one’s reading either.)

8.  If you’re agoraphobic , you can do it from home.

7. If you’re dipagoraphobic, you can do it any where the Dip Ags aren’t (so that excludes live blogging from any pub in Palmy).

6. You’re never going to get sacked for being incompetent or not turning up for work.  Just like being a rugby league player.

5. No one knows who you are. Just like playing for the Highlanders.

4. You don’t get the yips from blogging.

3. If your screen is facing away from everyone else, your work mates think you’re actually working!!!

2. It’s uber geeky with an edge … kind of like James Dean playing the high school librarian.

And the number one reason for an unpaid sports blogger:

1.  You don’t have to take a pay cut to be a sports presenter.

Just when you thought you’d heard the last of rotation, along comes Punter saying that he doesn’t believe the Aussie cricket team can put their best team on the park every time over the next couple of years.

Sounds like rotation to me!

“I think the players, Cricket Australia and the players’ association need to start prioritising which of the tournaments that we want to have the team as fit and raring to go as best we possibly can,” Ponting said.

Definitely sounds like rotation.

Brad Haddin, who was rested during last week’s two Twenty20 matches against South Africa, said the break has helped after nine Tests in 13 weeks.

“That’s something players are going to have to get used to with the amount of cricket these days, being rotated a little bit,” Haddin said.

“At the time I thought I was right to play, but after having a few days off and coming back for the one-day game in Melbourne, I did feel refreshed.”

Hell, they even using the “R” word themselves and in public!

Those that bag rotation are living in another world.

The criticisms of the All Blacks use of rotation in particular is inanely naive – in the good old days, the AB’s played a handful of tests.  Every test mattered.

Now, the All Blacks will play upwards of 15 tests a year, some of which matter, with the big focus being on the World Cup every four years.

That’s not to mention the greater level of expectation on professional players – Super 14 – plus the impact of collisions of bigger, faster and fitter athletes compared to even 20 years ago.

Add to that the lack of mid-week games for the dirt trackers and the increased likelihood that top players will leave because a nice black jersey doesn’t buy a bach in Taupo, there’s a compelling case for at the least a modicum of rotation.

At least now thanks to Ricky and the Aussie cricketers we can now use the R word in public again.