The Orange

OK, it’s the 2008 Halberg Awards tonight so let the Orange do the hard work for you and provide an extensive in-depth analysis which is bereft of any real clues or any insight.

On that basis, I could be a sports journalist or even a judge!

In case you are wondering, you too can attend the actual event yourself for a snip at $399.50 each … plus GST.  Or get a group of mates together and “only” pay $3995.00 for a table of ten … plus GST.  You can’t beat buying in bulk can you!

Given that last year was an Olympics year, you’d expect the Olympics to have an influence on the Awards and so it is.

Here’s a quick summary of the categories, nominees, who I would select and who I suspect the judges will select.

Westpac New Zealand ‘Sportsman of the Year’

• Tom Ashley (Board Sailing)
• Scott Dixon (Motor Sport)
• Hayden Roulston (Cycling)
• Danny Lee (Golf)
• Nick Willis (Athletics)

My winner: Scott Dixon.  The Iceman became the Milkman.  Admittedly, it was less an achievement that it may have been in the past but it still was a genuine achievement on the international stage and put NZ on the map. Tough luck to Tom Ashley and Danny Lee who otherwise excelled.  Nick Willis should not win for coming third.

Judges: Ditto

Westpac New Zealand ‘Sportswoman of the Year’

• Sophie Pascoe (Paralymipcs Swimming)
• Val Smith (Bowls)
• Valerie Vili (Athletics)
• Samantha Warriner (Triathlon)

My winner: Valerie Vili.  No arguments, no contest.

Judges: Ditto

Westpac New Zealand ‘Sports Team of the Year’

• Women’s Double Scull (Rowing)
• Kiwis (Rugby League)
• All Blacks (Rugby)
• Men’s Team Pursuit (Cycling)

My winner: Kiwis.  Atheists around the world have recanted – this is surely evidence of a higher being who can conjure up miracles.  The only possible explanation for the Kiwis beating the Roos in the RLWC final.  Also, God must have stripped the ball from Billy Slater.

Judges: Golden Girls.  Part snobbery – no way will the judges want to acknowledge the Kiwis’ successes – far too brown collar! Part pragmatism – you can’t do better than 2 Golds in 2 Olympics.

SPARC New Zealand ‘Coach of the Year’

• Grant Beck (Board Sailing)
• Kirsten Hellier (Athletics)
• Stephen Kearney (Rugby League)
• Richard Tonks (Rowing)

My winner: Kirsten Heller.  Toughest category.  Heller should win cos Vili should win overall. Tonks may get the credit for golden girls win but he also then has to take the blame for the fact they rowed like crap leading up to the Olympics.  Stephen Kearney might have got the guilty sympathy vote from the white flight voters on the panel but there is the suspicion a bloody Aussie had something to do with it.  If Grant Beck had anything to do with Odelay he will know where’s it at and why he won’t win.  Who is he, anyway?

Judges: Ditto

Supreme Winner

My winner: Valerie Vili

Judges: Ditto

Simple.  Sorry to go spoil the surprise for you.