The Orange

As Rhys Darby would say – typical.

Even tho the Nix have got off to a decent start – the best start by a NZ franchise yet before yesterday’s loss to Sydney – the future is still far from certain.

The SMH covered the issue in detail during the week (and also commented positively about the performance of the Nix’s Pommy recruits).

Now the irony of course is that NZers love nothing more than seeing Aussies lose.  And the Aussies love nothing more than ignoring us because, frankly, we don’t count.

In terms of soccer (yes, it is called soccer and don’t get me started on that!), we do have a bit of history:

THE burden of history weighs heavily on the shoulders of Wellington Phoenix, who are in town to play Sydney FC this weekend. There’s antipathy, because they’re Kiwis, and those with long memories still haven’t forgiven the trauma of losing that crucial World Cup qualifier in 1981. And there’s apathy, because in terms of professional football, their unlamented predecessors Auckland Kingz and the New Zealand Knights brought so little to the table. Except, perhaps, embarrassment.

Not a great start.

However, the Aussies do seem quite intent on trying to keep the Nix in the A-league provided the Nix can actually put some performances together both on and off course:

Like all existing clubs, Wellington are waiting for their licence to be renewed at the end of the season. Unlike the others, though, they have genuine concerns that things might not go their way. Ever since Asian Football Confederation president Mohamed Bin Hammam made it clear last year that he didn’t want the Phoenix in the A-League past 2011, their future has been clouded. Football Federation Australia owes it to the club, and its owner, to take that uncertainty away.

So what’s the problem?  It’s not our Terry who’s put big chunks of his money into the Nix:

Serepisos has since been doing the right thing to the tune of at least $10 million, and he’ll keep doing the right thing for the foreseeable future even though his property portfolio has recently been taking some pretty big hits. As owners go, Serepisos is one of the A-League’s best.

The problem is NOT that the Nix is one of only a few teams playing in a league outside of its own country.

Phoenix are unique in world football – a club that not only plays in another country, but one that plays in another confederation.

While there is a big big problem ahead for the Nix, it ain’t all doom and gloom.  FIFA might decide to dip into its buckets and make it a feature, not a bug:

What if FIFA decided to invest in the club? What if Oceania argued that as the only professional club in the entire confederation, it was in FIFA’s interest to make sure the Phoenix not only survived, but thrived? FIFA spends hundreds of millions on football development around the world. Surely, it’s crucial for the development of Oceania to have a professional pathway? Left-field problems require left-field solutions.

We’ve lost Smeltz – let’s hope we don’t lose the rest of the fricking team just when their get their act together!

OK here goes live blogging and all that entails.

Bulldogs 10 – Warriors 4.

At least two dodgy decisions so far.  In fact, the Warriors haven’t had the ball since they were on attack and a knockon was incorrectly ruled.

Heremaia off, Henderson on.

What if Heremaia played for the OTHER team?

Heremaia was a Bulldog

Was a good friend of mine …

Bulldogs have all the possession, momentum, penalties, referees etc

Bulldogs mistake.  Warriors mistake.

ANOTHER cheating call.  If Ah Van played at the ball, I’m a cheating Aussie.   BTW I am screaming at the TV but the cheating refs aren’t listening.

Doggies 16-4

Refs have scored three tries so it was only a matter of time before the Doggies scored one themselves.

Refs 16, Doggies 6-4.  Had added the two before the kick.

You are fucking kidding me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Game over.  Blog over.

[At this stage, Stacey bombs after the Warriors get a penalty on the 40 min mark.  Ah Van plays the ball back in the Doggies in goal, Roberts picks up, passes and the Doggies score at the other end!]

Refs 16, Doggies 12.  Warriors 4.

I’m not really a petrolhead so I must admit this is a little left field for me.

Off the track but still on the race track, if you know what I mean.

Actually, if truth be told (I wouldn’t make a politician would I??) I was actually looking for a vid of the Buzzcocks’ song Fast Cars.

Instead, I found this:

Ah well, never mind the pistons, here’s the Buzzocks:

PS That’s NOT Tony Veitch singing either

Ex Warriors captain Monty Beetham models the Warriors new strip for 2010.

The team name will change to the Penrose Leopards for the first two games of the season and from then will be known as the Penrose Pussies.

Dan Vettori is the latest cricketer to join the exclusive triple triple club – 3000 runs and three hundred wickets.

The full list is:

Daniel Vettori (New Zealand): 300 wickets at 33.52; 3329 runs at 28.69; 94 tests 1997 – current

Richard Hadlee (NZ): 431 wickets at 22.59; 3124 runs at 27.16; 86 tests 1973-1990

Ian Botham (England): 383 wickets at 28.40; 5200 runs at 33.54, 102 tests 1977-92

Kapil Dev (India): 434 wickets at 29.64; 5248 runs at 31.05; 131 tests 1978-94

Imran Khan (Pakistan): 362 wickets at 22.81; 3807 runs at 37.69; 88 tests 1971-92

Shane Warne (Australia): 708 wickets at 25.41; 3154 runs at 17.32; 145 tests 1992-2007

Shaun Pollock (South Africa): 421 wickets at 23.11; 3781 runs at 32.31; 108 tests 1995-2008

Chaminda Vaas (Sri Lanka): 315 wickets at 29.58; 3089 runs at 24.32; 111 tests 1994-2009

The odd thing being a NZ cricketer supporter is seeing two Kiwis on a top list.  No other country has two.

Now, there’s a danger here we could get a tad excited having a couple of our boys on the top list for anything.

And in fairness, Dan’s had a few things to deal with.

Green top pitches, not much in the way of support from the other end, cheating Aussies umpires, and the biggie – never getting the easy wicket playing against NZ.

Still, it’s not a bad effort particularly given he’s grown up in the on Sky Sport 1, 2 , and 3.

What’s particularly impressive is that he started as bowler with no expectation he could hold a bat.

Not any more:

After struggling to make an impact with the bat early in his career Vettori is now a genuine allrounder having scored three hundreds and 20 half centuries.

Vettori has amassed 3329 runs at 28.69 and despite typically batting at No 8 he has proved New Zealand’s most reliable batsman — this year alone he averages 54.83.

“Five or six years ago I was pretty embarrassed by my test batting record,” said Vettori, who topped New Zealand’s first test batting aggregates with 109.

Yep, I’d be embarassed about playing cricket for NZ when I was 18!

On ya Dan!

I shouldn’t really waste some of my better work on a title.

Mind you, some may think that if the title stoops to a pun, there’s not much point in reading the whole post.

Still the Poms won back the Ashes more through winning little battles rather than a large war.  The Aussies scored more centuries and killed the Poms in Game Four and, to be fair, should have won the Game One.

But the Poms ground it out in parts and strangely had the players who could turn a session or a game – such as Broad.

What’s most fun of course is seeing the Aussies turn on their own, the sporting equivalent of the animals that eat their young.  And, no I don’t believe I wrote that either but let’s move on.

Where were we?  That’s right, Aussies bagging other Aussies (a new kind of baggie green!).

Andre Hildtich, the chair of selectors, is a happy chappy:

National chairman of selectors Andrew Hilditch says he is gutted by Australia’s Ashes loss but has dismissed criticism from Shane Warne, among others, saying he believed the panel was doing a good job.

Bet there isn’t a policy at Cricket Oz on how to deal with criticism.

The Big Question is who didn’t select Nathan Hauritz?  Andrew Strauss??

But wait, there’s more:

Australia’s selectors made some bewildering Ashes decisions, including:

* Resting pacemen Mitchell Johnson and Peter Siddle from a tour game before the Ashes. Both men clearly needed a bowl and started the Ashes poorly.

* Not having a selector on duty in the first tour game.

* Not playing Stuart Clark at Lord’s on a second Test pitch that would have clearly suited his style.

* Publicly backing out-of-form opener Phillip Hughes only days before they sacked him.

* Leaving Hauritz out despite a turning pitch for the Ashes decider

And if you think that’s bad, they’re even looking for ideas from NZ Cricket.  Really!!!

Former coach John Buchanan said it was time Australia started to think about having a professional selector who is paid full-time.

He also said Australia should look at the recently introduced New Zealand model where captain and coach are included on the selection panel.

Memo to Australian cricket – if you need to flog ideas from NZ, you really have problems.

Yogi Berra* was famous for the immortal line:

“This is like deja vu all over again.”

Kind of like watching the All Blacks at the weekend.

So many times in the past (or at least so we think) we’ve got so close yet been so far away.  The last minute failures are now legend.

So imagine how the Aussies are now feeling.

Another last minute loss to the AB’s.

Three straight losses in the tri-Nations.

No Bledisloe, no Tri Nations, no World Cup. Nadda.

Oh dear how sad, never mind the bollocks!

* Actually, rather than feeling sorry for the Aussies, let’s hear so more Yogi classics!

• “He must have made that before he died.” – Referring to a Steve McQueen movie.
• “I’d find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I’d return it.” – When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars.
• “Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?”
• “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.”
• “If you don’t know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else.”
• “Baseball is 90% mental — the other half is physical.”
• “It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much.”
• “Slump? I ain’t in no slump. I just ain’t hitting.”
• “Nobody goes there anymore; it’s too crowded.”
• “It gets late early out there.” — Referring to the bad sun conditions in left field at the stadium.
• “I take a two hour nap, from one o’clock to four.”
• “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
• “You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn’t enough in the second half you give what’s left.”
• “I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.”
• “Yeah, but we’re making great time!” — In reply to “Hey Yogi, I think we’re lost.”
• “If the fans don’t come out to the ball park, you can’t stop them.”
• “It’s never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn’t.”
• “How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don’t know how to spell my name.” — Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to “bearer.”
• “I’d say he’s done more than that.” — When asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations for the current season.
• “The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.”
• “He can run anytime he wants. I’m giving him the red light.” – On the acquisition of fleet Ricky Henderson.
• “I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?”
• “It ain’t the heat; it’s the humility.”
• “You should always go to other people’s funerals; otherwise, they won’t come to yours.”
• “I didn’t really say everything I said.”

The full list of quotes what I flogged are here.

Drops are drops.

Unfortunately, I won’t be up all night blogging the almost certain decline of the Australian cricket empire.

This may whet the appetite – Warne dropping the Ashes:

Poor Warney. Nevermind.

Actually, there was a time when things were better.  Must have been the haircut.

Nope, not the latest result for the Phoenix (by the way, three games, 1 win, 1 loss, 1 draw aint a bad start).

It’s the score between the Great Redeemer and the Man Who Can Walk on Water – Robbie Deans.

Mind you it could be the number of eyes for a typical Jafa (four eyes plus a brown eye) compared to a typical Cantabrian.  One eye.  The shit tends to come out their mouth.

It is quite noticeable that the clamour for King Robbie has quietened down considerably.  A few losses tend to do that to you.

However, you could just imagine if Henry had returned from the road trip with three losses in a row.

Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t think Henry is the best coach in the world and I’m happy to admit he’s made mistakes as a coach.  I’m also happy to agree he’s pretty lucky to have retained his job given the way previous losing AB’s coaches have been treated.

It’s just that the Robbie Deans legend is more myth than hit.

Speaking of hits, Richard Loe agrees:

It’s been interesting talking to Australian rugby people this week about the pressure on Robbie Deans.

There’s no question people are looking at Robbie’s record and looking for more wins – and I don’t think he has a lock on the coach’s job for the 2011 World Cup. Which is as it should be, especially with reference to the current situation in New Zealand.

However, that’s not to say that Deans will be out of a job soon or that Deans (or Henry) are failing as coaches.  Both are rebuilding teams – and at the right time of the world cup cycle too!

Deans is still building and is doing so with less depth. The Wallabies and the All Blacks are pretty evenly matched at the moment – as was evidenced by this match and how both made stupid, basic mistakes against the Springboks.

So, while it is no surprise to find the jury out on Deans now, it should be a lot longer before anyone tries to come back with any sort of verdict.

Still, if I was Henry, I’d have a quiet chuckle given the current scoreline.  5-1.  Take it when you can.

Shock horror probe.

How crafty are those Aussies getting?

Not only do they cheat their way to the top, but the bloody Aussies are now accusing our Ritchie of cheating!!!

Analysis of the opening Bledisloe Cup game shows McCaw flagrantly entering the side of the ruck at least seven times, and contesting kicks while offside on at least three occasions.

But despite being captured repeatedly failing to enter the breakdown from behind the last man’s feet, McCaw proved “Mr Untouchable” by escaping without a single offside penalty all night. Referee Craig Joubert only pinged McCaw twice for unrelated ruck offences.

The Wallabies refused to publicly comment on McCaw’s dodgy tactics this week but the offside law is set to come under the spotlight on Saturday night in the second Bledisloe stoush in Sydney.

Cry my a river!

It’s only cheating when you get caught.

Like not having correct passports.

Like not bowling overarm.

Or claiming a catch when the ball has rolled along the ground, Greg!!!

Still, when push comes to shove in a ruck, Ritchie’s former coach knows he’s not a cheat:

But when asked if he was an illegal or smart player, Deans said: “If you get away with it, you’re a smart player but I don’t want to go there. I’m not concerned about history, just Saturday night in Sydney.”

Former Wallabies coach Eddie Jones said McCaw’s edge-of-the-law work at the breakdown was no different to the world’s other premier No.7s. It is his ability to sweet-talk referees that sets the Kiwi apart, reckons Jones.

“McCaw is an outstanding flanker who plays the laws to the edge like Smith, Burger, Waugh, Brussow,” Jones said.

“There is little difference – they all are on the edge. McCaw’s point of difference, just like Sean Fitzpatrick, is that he is an outstanding captain with good communication skills – and he develops a good rapport with refs and profits from the law of social reciprocation. He speaks well to refs so refs respond well. Smart!”

There ya have it – cheating Aussies, smart Kiwis.  Just as we thought.