The Orange

I’ve stayed away from the whole NPC death match until things become clearer.

Part of the problem is that the debate has largely been on emotional rather than any attempt to consider the issues in a logical manner.

Case in point:  Save Our Teams.

The site’s mission is nothing but worthy:

The NZRU Constitution clearly states, under Objects And Powers, that the union is to “promote, foster and develop rugby throughout New Zealand”.

So help us to preserve the Air New Zealand / Heartland Championship in its current format and to convince the NZRU that the smaller unions should not be axed…

Perhaps I can help with a modified mission?

To adopt a narrow-minded, blinkered, parochial and rose-tinted view of the NPC and go back to the future.

Naturally, the will want all ABs to play, all games played in the day, ohh and no TV coverage because that was what it was like.

The issue that these flat earthers consistently over look is who’s going to pay for it?

You can have all the heritage and history you want, but at the end of the day someone has to pay for it.

The same people who demand that the NZRFU keep 14 teams in the NPC are likely to be the same who demand that the AB’s play in the NPC instead of touring the UK … when they earn the money to pay the NPC wages.

Save our teams?  Save your breath.

You can always expect the NRL judiciary to add to the drama around the time of a test against the Kiwis or the Grand Final.

All you can ask of any judiciary is that they are consistent.  And that is undeniably the case with the NRL judiciary.

Come Anzac test time, you can set your clock by the fact at least one of the Kiwis top team will get a week or two off for some trivial matter.  Come in Isaac Luke!

On the other hand, you can equally expect the same people to turn themselves inside out to justify NOT “robbing the game” of a high profile Aussie.  Think none other than Jarryd Hayne.

The Sydney Daily Telegraph has tried to provide a for and against analysis on the issue.

The case against Hayne being let off is reasonably straight forward:

The gravity of Hayne’s offence was recognised immediately by the match officials. A possible eight-point try is not a parking ticket. It’s more like a rap for negligent driving.

Hell, Isaac Luke wasn’t even penalised!

There’s also a big difference between carelessness and reckless indifference. Put all the bromances to one side and history will show Hayne couldn’t cover his line in time to prevent the try and his late note was a very sour one for rugby league.

Bryce Gibbs, Tim Sheens, Cameron Smith, Kevin Moore, Goodwin and legions of Tigers and Dogs fans are fully entitled to question why foul play should be so handsomely rewarded.

Clearly there is one rule for some and another for the rest.

The case “for” Hayne is laughable and has nothing to do with what happened but everything to do with who did it.

[The clampdown on dangerous contact with legs or feet is] a justified call from the game’s suits, yet there was sufficient concern over the weekend that the vagaries of the judiciary system might rob the Grand Final of the best thing the game has going for it right now. Luckily, it has not, because Hayne is in form rarely witnessed.

Who cares what the game is or who did it?  The same criteria was NOT applied with Luke nor ironically with Cameron Smith (Queenslander playing for a Melbourne team).  Funny that.

Still, it shows what we all know – the NRL judiciary is just another bunch of cheating Aussies.

New Zilders tend to have a binary reaction to rugby – it’s either all good in the hood or doom and gloom.

There’s no mid-field so to speak when it comes to our view of rugby.

So while we seem to be in another boom period, the Aussies have a different spin on things with David Campese suggesting the game is in disarray.

We shouldn’t ignore it as more Aussie bleating as Teacher Ted himself has opined that rugby is losing its appeal.

Campo is not impressed by the new improved game of force back:

Australian rugby legend David Campese suggested the Wallabies were in “disarray”, labelling the Cape Town Tri-Nations debacle a game of “AFL” after the ball was kicked “77 times.

…

“At the moment it’s just kicking, kicking, kicking. In the game in Cape Town the ball was kicked 77 times. It was a game of Aussie Rules.

Hmm, now I’m sure if the Aussies were winning it would be a different thing.

But what about the rule changes?

Ex-Wallaby coach Eddie Jones was equally scathing about … officials who rubber-stamp the rules, suggesting the law-makers had been drinking too much of the South African white wine “Stellenbosch”.

The general consensus among the rugby fraternity is the game has become bogged down in too many technicalities and penalties and the rules mean it is too defence-orientated, ruining the appeal of the code once renowned as the “running game”.

The irony of course is that the while rugby league lurches from embarassment to worse OFF the field, it’s not having an impact ON the field:

A friend of [Campo] coaches an under-10s side and he said the heroes for the kids are rugby league players, not rugby union players.

…

Rugby league’s thriving. They’ve got so many problems off the field but people are still coming to the game because they’ve got a good product.

Indeed.

As for Henry, he’s also concerned for the Aussie game:

Henry – who also recommends the value of a penalty goal be reduced to one – said the increasing preponderance of kicking at the top level of the sport was also a disadvantage to the natural running instincts of his side and Australia.

But that’s the problem.

Only NZ and Australia are worried about playing running rugby.

South Africa only concern is to play winning rugby.

And the rest of the world just wants to stop the ABs and Wannabees from winning.

What more could you want than a highlight reels of band and cheerleading disasters?

Just the thing to keep in mind the next time the ABs play the Boks … see, it could be worse!

Just watching a race from Ellerslie.

No surprise in that.

It’s just the name of the race that has caused a bit of discussion on Trackside.

Sponsors are the life blood of sports and particularly racing.  Without sponsors prepare to put money into sports including racing, there is a genuine risk that sports will go down the gurgler.

One of the problems for lower level sports is the so much sponsorship money is now sucked out by a small number of professional sports teams – the AB’s, Warriors and Black Craps in particular.  Interestingly, performance is less important than profile although undoubted better performances help get bigger bucks.

Ironically, the race has just been won by a horse called Strap for Cash.  There’s an omen.

And the name of the race?

THE OMELETTE GUY MITCHELSON CUP

I wonder what they shelled out for that?

Now I’m not trying to make a real fuss of this, but I feel obligated to bring to you dear reader, yes both of us, the latest sports science date.

But it’s all good news … bonking is good for sports.

According to the latest reports, sex improves performance even cricketers.

Gary Kirsten, a South African who coaches the team, and mental conditioning expert Paddy Upton reportedly told the players that sex before a match increases athletic performance.

“Having sex increases testosterone levels, which causes an increase in strength, aggression and competitiveness,” Kirsten and Upton advised in a document distributed to the players, according to The Hindustan Times.

Which of course explains why Grant Elliot is returning to his roots.

Here’s an idea for those that have paid to see the AB’s play like the proverbial … ask Ted to pay you back!

It worked for a US sports fan:

He wrote to the coach of his favourite team and enclosed an invoice for an away game at which he felt his team had disgraced themselves.

And the coach paid it.

US sport website Everyday should be Saturday reported that Tony Seminary, a season ticket holder for the Ducks football team, sent in a bill for $US439 “in jest”.

But the Ducks coach rang him up to ask for his address and then sent him a cheque for the full amount.

Mind you, if Ted started paying back the fans for the past season he’d be looking for a second job at Macca’s.

Ever since the Warriors became the first NZ based team to join a regular Aussie comp, we’ve been waiting.

And waiting.

And waiting.

Mind you, we all got excited when Wynton Rufer came back to live with the Kingz.  Who soon became the Queenz and we’re still waiting.

Yes, we got excited in 2002 when Mrs Jones little boy made us think we can, we know we can just like the little tug.  Or was it a train?  Any way, you know the story.

And let’s not forget that this year the Aussie pundits picked the Warriors to go all the way.  They almost did – just two teams did worse.

The waiting is over for the Brekaers who kick off their season tonight.

But you’ll have to excuse me for not getting carried away while a few people are getting a bit excited about the prospects of the Breakers in this year’s ANBL.

And, no it’s got nothing to do with the fact that half of Australia seems to be tipping the Breakers to make the, er, breakthrough in the 2009-10 season and become the first Kiwi club to win an Australian league.

(I thought of that pun first!)

Anyway, the Breakers certainly look like the best chance to break the duck.

They certainly appear to have the depth:

Then there’s the decision on just how Leamnis will use his deep bench. His two “development” players, sitting at 11 and 12, are both Tall Blacks.

But wait (and we’ve been doing plenty of that since 1995!) there’s more:

[Breakers' coach] Lemanis certainly seems to have his bases covered with the squad he has this year. Kirk Penney says it’s the best the club has had. The coach doesn’t like to compare but admits “I like what we have”.

This is why:

Bruton and Paul Henare will cover the point, Penney, and Corey Webster two guard, Oscar Forman and Thomas Abercrombie small forward, Awveey Storey, Ronaldson and Jeremiah Trueman power forward and Rick Rickert and Alex Pledge centre. That leaves Dillon Boucher to slot in wherever he’s needed.

So there you have it – the Breakers can win.

The kiss of death.

We shall not talk about it.  Not until the last minute of the last quarter of the last game of the finals series.

Not until then will we dare believe that a NZ based team will breakthrough and win an Aussie comp

It may be an old story know but it’s still got legs.

The coach you got sacked because he got smacked.

Yep, think about Jason “Kung Fu” Taylor only got given the DCM because he got KO’ed by David “The Terminator” Fa’alogo.  Fa’alogo’s career at Souths also got terminated.

Let’s take another scenario.

Taylor goes out gets tanked, makes a gold medal dick of himself (think Dick Taylor ) and gets put in a taxi drunk as the proverbial sailor and goes home.

Hardly sackable offence given his appearance was approved at the Sad Sunday piss up.

Instead, Fa’alogo returns the serve and Taylor hits the deck.  Career over for the short term.

So yep, he’s getting the sack for getting whacked.  Not once either, according to the Sun-Herald in Oz:

[The footage ...] clearly shows Fa’alogo punching Taylor in the face after the pair were involved in kung-fu-style mucking around that got out of hand. Fa’alogo then follows up with a second strike to the back of the head, which causes Taylor to stumble down a set of stairs and out of camera shot.

Taylor’s camp has said a hotel staffer witnessed Fa’alogo punch Taylor in the head a third time off-camera. It’s understood this blow caused an egg-shaped lump on the forehead, as seen in the photo.

Three times.  No wonder his face looked like it did.

Mind you, next time you’re out on the piss, tell the Domestic CEO you’re “concussed”:

Taylor’s recollections stem primarily from viewing of the CCTV footage, as he claims to have no memory of the incident.

He was adamant that he was drinking responsibly and he submitted written evidence from three independent witnesses that he was not intoxicated as part of his submission to the club.

”He was so concussed he even smiled for the photo. He has no memory of it,” Lana Taylor said of the photograph taken shortly after the incident, which shows Taylor still in Japanese-themed attire.

Yep, all that drinking made him concussed.

Anyway, his concussion has gone along with his job at Souths.

Run, Rabbit, run.

Let’s get a few things straight.

The Adjudicator offers opinions on upcoming games at Fox Sports (www.foxsports.com.au).

The Adjudicator is an Aussie.

And what does the Yellow Fever have to say about Aussies??

Same old Aussies, always cheating.

Actually, in this case, it’s more like “same old Aussies, always bleating”.

Let me explain.  Each week, The Adjudicator consults the ouija board and tries to predict the sporting scores.

Here’s what he had to say about the upcoming Nix game at the weekend:

Wellington Phoenix v Central Coast Mariners, Sunday 1:00pm (EST), Westpac Stadium, Wellington
The Adjudicator says: “I love it when Wellington play at home. The bright yellow seats at Westpac Stadium make it so much easier to tell just how many people do NOT show up to their home games. It also shows that Kiwi football fans are not only starved of success, but also that they are massive loners as well. When you’re watching this game on Fox Sports this weekend, count how many little black dots you can see on the vast background of bright yellow. Maybe Pheonix officials could boost attendance figures by having a “bring a friend to the footy day”. While that will result only in slightly larger black dots on the vast background of bright yellow, 14,000 fans is better than 7000 fans. Twice as good, in fact. Wellington’s players will feel like massive loners on Sunday as well when the red-hot Mariners register yet another win. Mariners 2-0.“

Like an Australian cricket umpire, Mr Adjudicator isn’t going to let the facts get in the way of putting the boot in the poor old Kiwis.

Some facts:

• The Nix are averaging 9,087 per game – FIVE teams have a smaller average.  Shit, that puts the Nix into the top half of the table!
• The Nix’s largest crowd is “only” 10,024 – which still puts has them sixth out of ten
• The Nix’s smallest crowd is 7,523 – only four teams have a larger minimum
• The Nix’s aggregate is 27,260 – yet again, good enough for sixth and the best of all teams that haven’t played four or more games
• All Aussies are cheats and/or bleats (and I’m being generous with the “or”)

So there you go.

One lesson every Aussie should learn.  Don’t shit on New Zealand teams – we like to do it ourselves (Kingz/Queenz, Knights/Days, Warriors, All Blacks etc etc)