The Orange

I shouldn’t really waste some of my better work on a title.

Mind you, some may think that if the title stoops to a pun, there’s not much point in reading the whole post.

Still the Poms won back the Ashes more through winning little battles rather than a large war.  The Aussies scored more centuries and killed the Poms in Game Four and, to be fair, should have won the Game One.

But the Poms ground it out in parts and strangely had the players who could turn a session or a game – such as Broad.

What’s most fun of course is seeing the Aussies turn on their own, the sporting equivalent of the animals that eat their young.  And, no I don’t believe I wrote that either but let’s move on.

Where were we?  That’s right, Aussies bagging other Aussies (a new kind of baggie green!).

Andre Hildtich, the chair of selectors, is a happy chappy:

National chairman of selectors Andrew Hilditch says he is gutted by Australia’s Ashes loss but has dismissed criticism from Shane Warne, among others, saying he believed the panel was doing a good job.

Bet there isn’t a policy at Cricket Oz on how to deal with criticism.

The Big Question is who didn’t select Nathan Hauritz?  Andrew Strauss??

But wait, there’s more:

Australia’s selectors made some bewildering Ashes decisions, including:

* Resting pacemen Mitchell Johnson and Peter Siddle from a tour game before the Ashes. Both men clearly needed a bowl and started the Ashes poorly.

* Not having a selector on duty in the first tour game.

* Not playing Stuart Clark at Lord’s on a second Test pitch that would have clearly suited his style.

* Publicly backing out-of-form opener Phillip Hughes only days before they sacked him.

* Leaving Hauritz out despite a turning pitch for the Ashes decider

And if you think that’s bad, they’re even looking for ideas from NZ Cricket.  Really!!!

Former coach John Buchanan said it was time Australia started to think about having a professional selector who is paid full-time.

He also said Australia should look at the recently introduced New Zealand model where captain and coach are included on the selection panel.

Memo to Australian cricket – if you need to flog ideas from NZ, you really have problems.

Drops are drops.

Unfortunately, I won’t be up all night blogging the almost certain decline of the Australian cricket empire.

This may whet the appetite – Warne dropping the Ashes:

Poor Warney. Nevermind.

Actually, there was a time when things were better.  Must have been the haircut.

Starting to slip down the Google rankings for cheating Aussies so I need to up my workload.

Ok, this isn’t actually about cheating Aussies, nor is it is funny as it could be, but the Australian Cricket Sledging Academy is undoubtedly a great idea!

So, to honour the fourth Ashes test match that should have kicked off overnight:

Here I was, earlier in the week,  proposing that I should take the number one Google ranking for “aussie cry babies” when I get such brilliant material out of the Second Ashes test.

Ponting was admittedly given out in a dodgy decision by “Slow Death” Rudi Koertzen.

By the way it was reported in the Sydney Moaning Herald (gotta love my own work some time), you would have thought Koertzen was an Islamic militant who had let off a bomb in the Aussie changing room.

The headline was: Unlucky Punter’s Rudi surprise. Yep, no other cricketers have been unlucky before.

Mind you, with their home umpires, I can understand why the Aussies might find this a bit of a surprise and newsworthy.

The article opens with:

AUSTRALIA collapsed in a heap when the real Jimmy Anderson revealed himself with a destructive display of swing bowling at Lord’s, where the touring team failed to recover from the controversial dismissal of Ricky Ponting.

The fact that seven other wickers were lost seems to have overlooked the writer.

Later on:

Koertzen’s decision could have been overturned if the umpire referral system had been in place for the Ashes, but the ICC decided not to introduce the system until October.

Yep, and so it would be for all the others as well.  But the ICC have delayed it until after the Ashes to intentionally piss the Aussies off.

Wait for, it Chloe the Cry Baby has only just warmed up:

The South African umpire did call on the third umpire to determine whether the ball had carried to Andrew Strauss, but the confusion was heightened by the fact that Ponting hit his boot with his bat and Anderson appeared to be making a worthy appeal for lbw while the men behind the stumps shouted for the edge.

None of this consoled Ponting, who was denied a chance to improve on his mediocre record at Lord’s and had to watch from the balcony as wickets tumbled during the afternoon.

The 2005 series will be remembered for, among many other dramas, several dreadful umpiring calls, and the Ponting decision could yet change the course of the Ashes.

Funny, because if you Google “Aussie Cry Babies” you get this priceless gem:

HYPOCRITICAL Australian players had behaved like “cry-babies” by whingeing about racism when they had been cricket’s worst sledgers, according to Pakistan great Wasim Akram.

As you could imagine, picking a team to support from the Aussies and the Poms is a lot like trying to work out how you give the IRD more tax!

Anyway, it looks like we’re with the Poms from here on in.

Now, I’m used to accusing the Aussies of many things.

Indeed, one of the objectives of this site is to rank #1 in Google when searching for “cheating Aussies”.  (Sadly, we have dropped down the list to 5th … but still on that very important first page of Google).

But if the Aussies continue this carry on overnight, I’m going to have to try and be #1 in Google for Crybaby Aussies.

We all know it is a genetic trait of Australians to cheat – there’s a fair degree of natural selection going on; hell, cheating was a pre-requisite for “migrating” to Aussie in the 19th century.

Now, the Aussies are accusing the Poms of cheating:

RICKY Ponting has accused England of not playing within the spirit of cricket with their cynical time wasting tactics to cling on for a first Test draw.

A furious Ponting blasted the Poms for sending physiotherapist Steve McCaig onto the field to run gloves to tailender Jimmy Anderson as he and fellow tailender Monty Panesar batted out a tense draw.

With time ticking down and only seven minutes left, it was a clear delaying tactic that Ponting claimed was “pretty ordinary” and not in the spirit of the game.

Frankly, you’d think Ricky would have a much better idea of what cheating entails given that:

1.  He’s an Australian

2.  He’s a cricketer

Let’s think – how about underarm?

Greg Dyer “catching”.

Brad Haddin “bowling” – how dare we suggest he’d cheated.

For that matter, think of most Australian umpires.

And Ricky thinks the Poms were “cheating” by wasting time!

If Ricky’s under pressure now, imagine what it would be like if he manages to lose the Ashes to a bunch of cheating Poms.