The Orange

First thing’s first.

I have almost cracked the one and only KPI for this site:

if you search Google for “cheating aussies”, this site ranks #1

however, if you search Google for “cheating Aussies” or “Cheating Aussies”, this site ranks a paltry #2

Who would have thought caps mattered so much?

Anyway, given that a big chunk of the purpose of this site is to poke the borax at our cobbers across the Drink, it’s going to be a little odd to say nice things about Oz.  And Oztralians.

However, that dear reader (yes, both of you) is what I must do.

Rugby league in NZ would be dead if the Aussies hadn’t kept the Warriors alive.  Sure, they reap the $$$ from this and as I’ve pointed out before, the Warriors in fact pay their way and that of another Aussie team through the money Sky pays for TV rights.

Sure they steal some of our players.

But now, the NZRL has started stealing some of them back – born Australians who are died in the wool (boom boom) Kiwis.

Without the exposure to the NRL and the development that’s come from that, we would never have won the Rugby League World Cup.

And now the soccer.

The Aussies have never been given the plaudits they deserve for keeping an A team league alive in NZ.  The FSM knows that Auckland did its best to ruin the chances of professional football ever being played in NZ.

Critically the core of the successful All Whites teams came from the Nix – players like Bertos, Paston and Brown have all been developed in the A-League.  Without exposure to that level of football, it would be hard to see NZ fielding a team that was competitive enough to win.

So there you have it.

The same week we finally reach number one in Google for “cheating aussies”, I end up thanking the Aussies.

PS Luckily we don’t have to thank Aussie rugby refs for anything!

It’s been a while since we last visited my favourite topic – cheating Aussies.

At least a couple of weeks.

However, you don’t need to wait long for our cobbers across the deetch to do something underarm.

Apparently, Tim Sheens is upset for his innocent wee boys who have a score to settle.

THE Four Nations final between Australia and England is poised to detonate with Kangaroos coach Tim Sheen giving his side the green light to “square up” with England for some grubby tactics from their last encounter – as long as it’s legal.

OK, let’s get this straight.  Tim Sheens thinks his team – including the grub of all grubs Gallen – has been hard done by??

What’s interesting is to see that this view is not just a Kiwi piss take.

Some of our cobbers agree:

… the moment Gallen was selected the Australian team lost my support. Why would you select somebody like Mr Cheap Shot Merchant from a team like equal last placed Cronulla, that only brought the game into disrepute all year, unless you intended to use some cheap shots yourself? Fancy Sheens complaining about grubby off the ball incidents. Gallen is a master of those and his swinging arm in the last game was totally unnecessary and typical of the low life grub he is. Yes the Aussies love to dish it out but cant take it. I never thought I would ever say this in my entire life but go the Poms.

It gets better!

conan of NSW unfortunately, there is one comment from a kiwi you paranoid fool. Also, how do you know he is not living in NZ. Surely you are not too stupid to realise how the WORLD Wide Web works. I would be surprised if the kiwis threw their game against the Poms to get away from the whinging Aussies. Pitty they still have to put up with whingers like yourself. Like your team, harden up.

I think s/he meant to say they wouldn’t be surprised but nothing surprises me about those Aussies.  Jarrod surprises though!

i wouldnt go to england if you paid me you fools im aussie through and through, but when it comes to league, i cant follow a team of skirts, my australian side is a totaly different side to the one who is playing in the final….. i am a new south welsh man and one all year round not just at origin time. so in saying that i cant go for a side with a bunch of whinging sooks who worry bout the cheap shots they cop when they do it all year round…..and for the tosser who said gallen was our best …best what……..best at given away possession….he is a fool, big sam burges im glad he is coming to souths next year he looks the goods…GO THE POMMIES …….RIP INTO THESE FAIRIES…… WANNA BE WORLD CHAMPS …COULDNT EVEN GET THAT JOB DONE, CLOWNS

Let’s hope the game is half as much fun as the comments on the Telegraph web site!

Great to see the Kiwis continue to grow.

While rugby league will always be judged on the success of its club competition – and frankly, it’s streets ahead of any rugby comp at present – the international game provides significant pluses for the games.

First, it allows the game to put on the international stage which in turn provides a boost to the other parts of the game.

Second, in doing so, it provides an opportunity for players to travel, experience different countries and I suppose get pissed and do all the things rugby players get up to on too.  Or put another way, it stops top leaguies from drifting off to the dark  side just to go on tour.

Third, and this is the bit we like, it provides us with another chance to stick one up the West Islanders.   Choice bro!

The good thing to come out of the weekend is that the “one off” results are starting to become more regular.

Sure, we can expect that the cheating Aussies will win more than their fair share (although putting “fair” and “cheating Aussies” into the same sentence takes some real effort!

But the Kiwis are now starting to believe they can just like the little tug in the kids’ story (or was it a train??).

At least that’s what Graham Lowe thinks:

“They’re not overawed by anything or anyone playing for Australia,” Lowe said. “They’re comfortable with their own space and with what they are doing in the NRL and that’s why the fear factor that certainly was there for a long time is not there now.”

Put it another way.  We know how good they are but we know who we’re up against.

There’s also a bigger pool of players with leadership experience:

Lowe said the fact the Kiwis – headed by skipper Benji Marshall – were now key men at their clubs was a major aspect of the new confidence.

What’s even better is that the Kiwis are competing but with a stack of established players resting up.

Even Aussie coach Tim Sheens can see the winds of change:

When Cameron Smith says to you: ‘That is the hardest game he can remember playing’ – and he only played the grand final a few weeks ago – you know that’s a hard game,” Sheens said.

Good on ya Tim … now go back to bleating about the Pommy ref!

We all think Aussies are wankers.

Funnily enough, they didn’t see this one … er, coming.

A West Coast netball team’s cheeky name has been deemed too blue by the organisers of an international sporting event in Australia.

The Greymouth team, formerly known as the Master Baiters, will take part in the Sydney World Masters Games, which start on Saturday.

The team was asked to change its name after organisers thought the risque reference to whitebaiting was too much.

The 10 players in the New World Master Netters, as they are now called, will be among more than 1400 Kiwis taking part in 28 sports at the event.

Umpire Jocelyn Crestani, who will travel with the team, said the organisers feared the name “might have a bit of a double meaning if it was pronounced wrong”.

…

If you read it too quickly it could be misinterpreted. It’s fine for the locals, but maybe not there,” Crestani said.

Bloody Aussies

Can’t live with them.  Can’t live with them!

I’ve said it before so it won’t obviously stop me from saying it again – those Aussie just can’t help themselves.

Yep more examples of Aussie cheating have emerged with the story about the America’s Cup.

Funny that as the last we saw of the Aussies, their campaign was submerging!

Here’s the guts of it:

A boat designer has blown the whistle on a “lie” that allowed Australia to seize glory in the 1983 America’s Cup – the claim that Ben Lexcen invented the famous winged keel that propelled Alan Bond’s yacht to victory.

I don’t believe it … Aussies cheating to win.  Who would have thought?

[Some dude] Van Oossanen has never wavered from his belief that Australia II deserved its victory, when weighed against the America’s Cup’s history of skulduggery, espionage and cheating.

But didn’t the Australia II syndicate cheat, at least technically? “Yes,” he says. “If everything had stayed the same, I would have taken this to my grave. But they are writing us out of history.”

Lexcen, van Oossanen says, did not design the boat’s key elements: the small hull over an upside-down keel with its famed winglets. They weren’t even Lexcen’s ideas.

Have to agree that cheating is almost compulsory at the America’s Cup which explains why the Aussies were the first to take the Cup away from the Yanks.

The All Whites do or die gain next month versus Bahrain is eerily similar to the games the Aussies played against Iran to qualify for the 1998 World Cup.

According to Wikipedia:

The first leg of the play-off, on November 22, 1997, took place in Tehran, Iran, with the result a 1-1 draw. Attendance for this match was extremely high, as 128,000 fans packed Azadi Stadium, despite it only having a capacity for 100,000 fans at the time.

See what I mean!  And the cheating Ockers had the advantage of an away goal.

Game two was at the MCC and 88,000 Ockers converged to celebrate yet another Aussie victory!

With Australia holding a 1-0 lead at half-time and scoring a second goal just after the break, it looked likely that they would progress to the World Cup. Serial pest Peter Hore cut up Iran’s goal net, causing a halt in play. This seemed to quell the Australians’ momentum, as when play resumed, an Iranian revival, led by Khodadad Azizi, saw Iran score two quick goals to make the score 2-2 on aggregate, with Iran progressing on away goals.

Despite being undefeated throughout their entire qualifying campaign, Australia had again failed to qualify for the World Cup finals. Along with host nation and eventual winner France (who as host nation did not need to qualify), Australia were the only other team to not lose a game in the entire campaign.

The match is considered by many Australians as one of the most tragic moments in their sporting history. The broadcast of the game on SBS featured closing comments from a clearly distraught Les Murray and Johnny Warren, with Warren openly weeping on air.

There’s another category for us … weeping Aussies!!!

The Youtube clip is here:

Typical.

I have a great headline but nothing much to say about it that hasn’t been written already.

If you want to read what the Granny Herald had to say, check out the story here.

Let’s just hope the magic ride lasts one more game.

At least we won’t be up against those cheating Aussie umpires!

You can always expect the NRL judiciary to add to the drama around the time of a test against the Kiwis or the Grand Final.

All you can ask of any judiciary is that they are consistent.  And that is undeniably the case with the NRL judiciary.

Come Anzac test time, you can set your clock by the fact at least one of the Kiwis top team will get a week or two off for some trivial matter.  Come in Isaac Luke!

On the other hand, you can equally expect the same people to turn themselves inside out to justify NOT “robbing the game” of a high profile Aussie.  Think none other than Jarryd Hayne.

The Sydney Daily Telegraph has tried to provide a for and against analysis on the issue.

The case against Hayne being let off is reasonably straight forward:

The gravity of Hayne’s offence was recognised immediately by the match officials. A possible eight-point try is not a parking ticket. It’s more like a rap for negligent driving.

Hell, Isaac Luke wasn’t even penalised!

There’s also a big difference between carelessness and reckless indifference. Put all the bromances to one side and history will show Hayne couldn’t cover his line in time to prevent the try and his late note was a very sour one for rugby league.

Bryce Gibbs, Tim Sheens, Cameron Smith, Kevin Moore, Goodwin and legions of Tigers and Dogs fans are fully entitled to question why foul play should be so handsomely rewarded.

Clearly there is one rule for some and another for the rest.

The case “for” Hayne is laughable and has nothing to do with what happened but everything to do with who did it.

[The clampdown on dangerous contact with legs or feet is] a justified call from the game’s suits, yet there was sufficient concern over the weekend that the vagaries of the judiciary system might rob the Grand Final of the best thing the game has going for it right now. Luckily, it has not, because Hayne is in form rarely witnessed.

Who cares what the game is or who did it?  The same criteria was NOT applied with Luke nor ironically with Cameron Smith (Queenslander playing for a Melbourne team).  Funny that.

Still, it shows what we all know – the NRL judiciary is just another bunch of cheating Aussies.

Let’s get a few things straight.

The Adjudicator offers opinions on upcoming games at Fox Sports (www.foxsports.com.au).

The Adjudicator is an Aussie.

And what does the Yellow Fever have to say about Aussies??

Same old Aussies, always cheating.

Actually, in this case, it’s more like “same old Aussies, always bleating”.

Let me explain.  Each week, The Adjudicator consults the ouija board and tries to predict the sporting scores.

Here’s what he had to say about the upcoming Nix game at the weekend:

Wellington Phoenix v Central Coast Mariners, Sunday 1:00pm (EST), Westpac Stadium, Wellington
The Adjudicator says: “I love it when Wellington play at home. The bright yellow seats at Westpac Stadium make it so much easier to tell just how many people do NOT show up to their home games. It also shows that Kiwi football fans are not only starved of success, but also that they are massive loners as well. When you’re watching this game on Fox Sports this weekend, count how many little black dots you can see on the vast background of bright yellow. Maybe Pheonix officials could boost attendance figures by having a “bring a friend to the footy day”. While that will result only in slightly larger black dots on the vast background of bright yellow, 14,000 fans is better than 7000 fans. Twice as good, in fact. Wellington’s players will feel like massive loners on Sunday as well when the red-hot Mariners register yet another win. Mariners 2-0.“

Like an Australian cricket umpire, Mr Adjudicator isn’t going to let the facts get in the way of putting the boot in the poor old Kiwis.

Some facts:

• The Nix are averaging 9,087 per game – FIVE teams have a smaller average.  Shit, that puts the Nix into the top half of the table!
• The Nix’s largest crowd is “only” 10,024 – which still puts has them sixth out of ten
• The Nix’s smallest crowd is 7,523 – only four teams have a larger minimum
• The Nix’s aggregate is 27,260 – yet again, good enough for sixth and the best of all teams that haven’t played four or more games
• All Aussies are cheats and/or bleats (and I’m being generous with the “or”)

So there you go.

One lesson every Aussie should learn.  Don’t shit on New Zealand teams – we like to do it ourselves (Kingz/Queenz, Knights/Days, Warriors, All Blacks etc etc)

Stuff had an article the other day on ten famous cases of cheating in sport.

And bugger me if they couldn’t find ONE Aussie example in there.

YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!!!!

What about the Chappells and the infamous underarm?

Greg Dyer?

Any Aussie umpire?

And think about it … Nathan Fien was a cheating Aussie trying to be a Kiwi in the Grannygate affair.  If he’d been a kiwi, he wouldn’t have been cheating!

OK the vid may not work on the Brad Haddin link, but one of the comments is worth repeating:

Kiwis aren’t as bitter about the Underarm as is made out. Our media might be, but the average fan on the street isn’t.

We’re far more bitter about Greg Dyer’s cheating when he didn’t claim a catch.

Or Matthews stepping over the boundary line and not admitting it.

Or the cheating prick of an ump who gave Day Walker McDermott not out when plumb with 2 overs to go in a test.

Or Gilchrist wanking on about walking when he’d appeal for obvious non-catches.

And now we get this gem to enjoy.

Thanks Brad, it had been a few years.