I’m sure it’s coincidental, but has anyone heard from the Robbie Deans fan club recently??

Anyway, but to the Wobblies.  And the rope.

Australia were struggling to paper over the cracks after suffering their seventh straight defeat by New Zealand in their Bledisloe Cup test in Tokyo.

Sorry don’t know what happened to the rope but perhaps the sub-editor was just stringing us along?

Yep, those Wobblies are definitely having some problems.

But don’t worry.  Dingo Deans has officially become a bleating Aussie:

“Can anyone tell me what the penalty count was?” Deans tetchily asked reporters, accusing the All Blacks of negative tactics under a fierce Wallaby assault late in the first period.

Answer:  Can anyone tell me how many tries the Aussies have scored this year? Actual tries (not make believe ones because the video ref can’t speak English and doesn’t under the rules).

It’s not just Robbie who’s bleating either:

Australian playmaker Matt Giteau also took a swipe at perceived All Blacks spoiling tactics under pressure.
“We got in their 22 a number of times, especially in the first half, and ball was killed when we had the opportunity to play wide,” he said, icing his right hand.
“All we could take was three points rather than seven and I think that had a huge bearing.”

Anyway, Robbie wasn’t completely unhappy:

As Deans was left scratching for positives, a first try against the All Blacks since their first Bledisloe Cup game of the year at least brought the hint of a smile.
“I was very pleased,” said the New Zealander. “We threatened a lot more and could so easily have scored more.”

Ah Robbie, the only try you’ve tried since the first game was a try that wasn’t.
Not that Teacher Ted is letting this get personal.

New Zealand coach Graham Henry, who got the nod ahead of Deans for the All Blacks job in 2007, grinned when asked if he felt his “foot was on the throat” of his opposite number.
“That’s a very interesting question,” said Henry. “We take all our tests very seriously and there’s a huge amount of pressure in New Zealand to perform — whether we’re playing Australia or South Africa or Wales or whoever.
“It just happens it’s 4-0 against the Wallabies this year which is pleasing but it’s not a personal thing. It’s a win-loss thing. They guys should be proud of their performance.”

[Tui Ad]This game wasn’t personal. [/Tui Ad]

Chris Rattue for one smells a … err, rat and he’s taking the distinctly un-nationalistic approach of support Wales.  And not just the beached ones either.

This particular rugby rivalry, not to mention the pompous All Black coaching panel, needs a giant kick up the behind.

Yep, our boyo Chris would be happy to see the Dragons fire to stick it up the three AB coaches.

The latest instalment of grandiose nonsense out of New Zealand rugby, involving the All Black coaches swapping their jobs, only makes the thought of a Welsh victory, however remote, even more mouth-watering.

Funny when you think that both Henry and Hansen (not the boy band) coached Wales too.

After a fair-to-hopeless season, a shock defeat would be a welcome comeuppance for the Teflon trio, a panel which escapes the serious scrutiny that has shaped All Black history and been a cross to bear for their predecessors.

It is fair to say that coaches with better records have fallen on their swords or, shall we save, have been through an assisted suicide process.

Perhaps – schock, horror! – we no longer expect the ABs to win every game and we’ve become more realistic when they do lose.

Perhaps we’re sick on winning everything every year and then falling over in World Cup year?

Perhaps not, according to Chris the Rat:

Having scuppered the prospects of other genuine All Black coaching aspirants, the NZRU and its wonder-boys are engaging in more of their mad-scientist schemes, arranging new job descriptions for themselves, minor tweaks they claim, apparently at the suggestion of senior players.

It’s interesting decision because if a player wasn’t performing in a core role (eg Latimer, Ross) they wouldn’t be given a different role would they?

Here’s a novel concept: if Steve Hansen really isn’t good enough to coach the forwards any more, then get someone in who is rather than let these 2007 World Cup failures become insiders trading places.

Indeed.  If Hansen is to take the blame, why give him another role?

In fairness, Rattue’s main focus is on what the Welsh need to do to beat the ABs.  Scoring more points than the Blacks would be a good start.

However in terms of the broader issue, Rattue’s point is valid – we either need an unexpected sweep with the ABs playing majestic football or a complete disaster of a tour which will force the NZRFU to react.

Anything else will see the focus remain on who is coaching the ABs off the field rather than what the ABs are doing on the field.

There’s no mid-field so to speak when it comes to our view of rugby.

So while we seem to be in another boom period, the Aussies have a different spin on things with David Campese suggesting the game is in disarray.

We shouldn’t ignore it as more Aussie bleating as Teacher Ted himself has opined that rugby is losing its appeal.

Campo is not impressed by the new improved game of force back:

Australian rugby legend David Campese suggested the Wallabies were in “disarray”, labelling the Cape Town Tri-Nations debacle a game of “AFL” after the ball was kicked “77 times.

…

“At the moment it’s just kicking, kicking, kicking. In the game in Cape Town the ball was kicked 77 times. It was a game of Aussie Rules.

Hmm, now I’m sure if the Aussies were winning it would be a different thing.

But what about the rule changes?

Ex-Wallaby coach Eddie Jones was equally scathing about … officials who rubber-stamp the rules, suggesting the law-makers had been drinking too much of the South African white wine “Stellenbosch”.

The general consensus among the rugby fraternity is the game has become bogged down in too many technicalities and penalties and the rules mean it is too defence-orientated, ruining the appeal of the code once renowned as the “running game”.

The irony of course is that the while rugby league lurches from embarassment to worse OFF the field, it’s not having an impact ON the field:

A friend of [Campo] coaches an under-10s side and he said the heroes for the kids are rugby league players, not rugby union players.

…

Rugby league’s thriving. They’ve got so many problems off the field but people are still coming to the game because they’ve got a good product.

Indeed.

As for Henry, he’s also concerned for the Aussie game:

Henry – who also recommends the value of a penalty goal be reduced to one – said the increasing preponderance of kicking at the top level of the sport was also a disadvantage to the natural running instincts of his side and Australia.

But that’s the problem.

Only NZ and Australia are worried about playing running rugby.

South Africa only concern is to play winning rugby.

And the rest of the world just wants to stop the ABs and Wannabees from winning.

Wonder why?

Sure, Teacher Ted needs to put himself on detention and the Hansen was much better when he was in that band.

But as bad as the ABs have been, the Wallabies have been worse and deservedly took the wooden spoon in this year’s Tri Nations.

As for Deans the redeemer of the Wallabies, the halo is close to being replaced by a jury.  It’s too early to say that he’ll join the list of ex-international coaches in the commentary box but let’s put it this way – it would pay to learn to string a few comments together on line.

As for the Red and Black conspiracy theorists, it beggars belief that there is some anti-Crusader crusade (geddit?) with the re-appointment of Teacher Ted.  Sure the NZRFU will never admit they made a mistake so they have to back him to the bitter end.

What’s bizarre is that both Teacher Ted’s assistants are red and black.

As is the CEO of NZRFU.

As is the Chair of the Board.

If there is a conspiracy …

Anyway, it’s worthwhile to see how the Aussies are taking the loss.

Here’s a few comments:

I think that was one of the most disgraceful spineless inept (and indefensible – please try if you want) performances of any sporting team representing Australia overseas that I have ever seen. The team should be ashamed of themselves and donate their match payments to a charity approved by the Australian Rugby League (and I feel for their poor families). Rugby Yawnian indeed. I will never get that two hours of my life back. They have disgraced their country. John O’Neill should apologise.

Ouch.

But surely the win against the Boks showed a bit more?

Once again the Wobbollies have shown their true colours. They are a rabble and embarrassment to watch. Just think that Deans was believed to be a better coach than Henry. well that has been shown to be wrong. The Wobbollies will never win a World Cup, as they don’t have the fortitude to beat the Blacks. their win against the Boks, must have been a fluke.

Robbie’s sole tri-nations success was a fluke? Hmm … perhaps he shouldn’t try to walk back to Christchurch on water.

But it wasn’t that bad was it?

Well that sounds the death of Intertnational Rugby for Australia. we cant compete at any level really. The Wallabies are a disgrace.

OK, get the drift, but perhaps the Aussies just appreciated the game?

I was waiting for a real game on nine and watched some union,scrum took ten minutes to pack and carter had kicked 5 goals aust 2.This game should be called forsman back were you kick the ball from one end to the other then when you get there kick between the posts.Australia are struggling big time just leave the talent of league players alone you waste there talent playing your pathetic game,actually it shouldnt be called a game.your press conferences are that boring they had to talk about who lifts the most weights.

Never mind, it’s the AFL final next weekend and the NRL after that.  Robbie can’t lose either of those games, can he?

Sadly, as Chris Rattue noted in good old Granny, the ABs reached their nadir in Hamilton instead of nirvana.

Smit will go down as a colossus of world rugby, in the pantheon with the likes of Martin Johnson and John Eales, but the All Blacks are simply going down.

Ouch.

It gets worse – perhaps the mad Yarpie coach was right after all??

Referee Nigel Owens and touch judge Wayne Barnes combined to bolster the New Zealand scoreline with two and perhaps three crazy penalty rulings, from which Carter goaled, and a wonky decision which helped turn what should have been an attacking Springbok lineout into a Sitiveni Sivivatu try.

This handicapping of the Springboks started from their opening kickoff reception when Owens awarded the All Blacks a ridiculous penalty. He was at it again with a bizarre kick-chase offside call, and probably got a ruck penalty wrong as well although that is par for the course in rugby.

The result leaves more questions than answers.

Like why did we reappoint Henry and his partners in crime?

The always faulty, disingenuous theory that losing World Cup coaches, men who ruined their own team in 2007, would somehow be better for the experience was given humiliating last rites in Hamilton on Saturday night. So much for the NZRU’s claim that this trio is the dream team.

Mind you, if he thinks the coaches are bad, wait till you see what he has to say about Donald and Nonu:

Donald runs at the defensive line in the manner of a startled horse, and his presence has the effect of sending panic throughout the stables. He should never wear the black jersey again, because he simply isn’t good enough.

Outside him, Ma’a Nonu dropped the ball four times in a display that should also end his test days.

Don’t hold back Chris!

Mind you, as Rattue points out, for once the ABs looked better when Isaia Toeava came onto the pitch.

Still, he was just warming up for a grandstand finish, just like the ABs:

The wanton selection theory which led to an inevitably useless midfield pairing should send alarm bells ringing at rugby HQ, because it is just this sort of miscalculation which brought the All Blacks down at the last World Cup.

If losing World Cup coaches really do learn their lessons, how come poor, over-matched and out-of-position Donald and blunderkind Nonu were sent out together against the best team in the world?

Looks like it’s not going to matter how much tickets to the RWC final will be in 2011!

It’s the score between the Great Redeemer and the Man Who Can Walk on Water – Robbie Deans.

Mind you it could be the number of eyes for a typical Jafa (four eyes plus a brown eye) compared to a typical Cantabrian.  One eye.  The shit tends to come out their mouth.

It is quite noticeable that the clamour for King Robbie has quietened down considerably.  A few losses tend to do that to you.

However, you could just imagine if Henry had returned from the road trip with three losses in a row.

Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t think Henry is the best coach in the world and I’m happy to admit he’s made mistakes as a coach.  I’m also happy to agree he’s pretty lucky to have retained his job given the way previous losing AB’s coaches have been treated.

It’s just that the Robbie Deans legend is more myth than hit.

Speaking of hits, Richard Loe agrees:

It’s been interesting talking to Australian rugby people this week about the pressure on Robbie Deans.

There’s no question people are looking at Robbie’s record and looking for more wins – and I don’t think he has a lock on the coach’s job for the 2011 World Cup. Which is as it should be, especially with reference to the current situation in New Zealand.

However, that’s not to say that Deans will be out of a job soon or that Deans (or Henry) are failing as coaches.  Both are rebuilding teams – and at the right time of the world cup cycle too!

Deans is still building and is doing so with less depth. The Wallabies and the All Blacks are pretty evenly matched at the moment – as was evidenced by this match and how both made stupid, basic mistakes against the Springboks.

So, while it is no surprise to find the jury out on Deans now, it should be a lot longer before anyone tries to come back with any sort of verdict.

Still, if I was Henry, I’d have a quiet chuckle given the current scoreline.  5-1.  Take it when you can.

The reality is that the two coaches wouldn’t have given it any thought.

It was a game that the Aussies had for the winning – the George Smith bombed try really told the tale.

Based on opportunities, you would reasonably have expected the Aussies to have won.

As the SMH said Sunday morning:

THE Wallabies blew it – big time. This was their best chance in ages to end the 23-year Eden Park hoodoo and once again they suffered from stage fright, squandering an early 10-point lead and wasting several massive opportunities to put the All Blacks away.

Naturally, that would please Teacher Ted who will accept the points but give his team a report card tagged with “could do better”.

Without any doubt, having back players like Richie McCaw and Rodders back made a huge difference, not just in terms of the cattle on the park, but attitude and the mental strength to fight back.  Given that there are still players like Dan the Man and  Big Ali among others to slot back in, Ted should be smiling a little more than he was after the dire efforts against the Frogs and Italians.

As for Dingo Deans, he will have to wonder what this will do to the Aussies’ confidence – their ability to win the close ones a few painful years ago seems to now be but a bad dream.

Let’s we don’t wake up screaming in 2011!