To be fair to the Nix, they haven’t lost at home since last season and actually had the best losing record in the league.

Huh?

Yep, the Phoenix went into the game on the bottom of the table but had lost the least number of games (2) in the entire league.

Sydney currently top the league with 22 points and four losses.

Just goes to show winners are grinners.

Another point that needs to be made is that a 6-0 margin means a lot in such a close league.  There’s only 10 points between first and last, and seven points covering teams from 4th to 10th.

The Nix still have a game in hand (and have played more away games than home games).  If the Nix were to pick up three points from the game in hand against Newcastle, they could sneak into 5th position on goal difference which highlights the importance of the 6-0 scoreline.

However, it won’t stop me from making some stuff up about the team being inspired by my post about the number of draws and the number (or relative lack) of goals.

Anyway, if you’ve been living under a rock for the last couple 24 hours, you might find this hard to believe:

• the Nix’s 6-0 win equals the record for the biggest whupping in the league
• it’s the biggest win ever by a NZ team in the A-league
• the Nix have now scored 15 goals while poor old Shane Smeltz has “only” scored 10

You’d think the Gold Coast coach Miron Bleiberg would be off his tree at the post match.  He seemed to see the funny side of it all:

He offered no excuses, said the Phoenix deserved their moment in the sun, and described them as United’s “black kiwi sheep”.

“It never happened to me that I lost 6-0 so it’s a new experience, it’s the Ricki Horror Show,” he said. “I can’t even blame the referee, he had a good game. I think it will take time for it to sink in. I’m still laughing. I’ll probably cry into my pillow during the night.”

Bleiberg congratulated Herbert and revealed he had considered buying his counterpart’s new book. “If his book was a bit cheaper I would have bought it. I was walking down the street and only had a $20 note, but he wants $36 for his book and I didn’t have it.”

Here’s the highlights in case you’ve missed all the action – the audio is a little behind the action, much like the Gold Coast defence.

Click here to view the embedded video.

That could well be the only conclusion we can draw after six consecutive draws.

Has Ricky reached a stalemate in terms of options?

Certainly it’s easy to draw comparisons with the other New Zealand A-league franchises and put the spin on the fact that the Nix are the least undefeated of the 10 A-league teams.

But that’s not the point.  Even tho the Nix have picked up six in their last six games, wins are what they need.

Let me draw your attention to one key performance indicator – goals:

• Shane Smeltz (ex-Phoenix striker) – 8 games, 10 goals
• Phoenix – all players, ten games, in 2009-2010 season – 9 goals

Draw your own conclusions.

Later today, the Nix play Smeltz – what odds on one goal each?

Jarryd Hayne has two left feet.  Muppet.

“I didn’t realise until I went to put them on,” Hayne said of his famous red boots.

New Zealander charged after final.  Pity for him he’s not the best player in the world (which by definition of course only counts Australians).  A few Parra fans are wondering whether Archer got fined!

And in the weekend’s biggest shock, the Nix don’t score a goal.

The Adjudicator offers opinions on upcoming games at Fox Sports (www.foxsports.com.au).

The Adjudicator is an Aussie.

And what does the Yellow Fever have to say about Aussies??

Same old Aussies, always cheating.

Actually, in this case, it’s more like “same old Aussies, always bleating”.

Let me explain.  Each week, The Adjudicator consults the ouija board and tries to predict the sporting scores.

Here’s what he had to say about the upcoming Nix game at the weekend:

Wellington Phoenix v Central Coast Mariners, Sunday 1:00pm (EST), Westpac Stadium, Wellington
The Adjudicator says: “I love it when Wellington play at home. The bright yellow seats at Westpac Stadium make it so much easier to tell just how many people do NOT show up to their home games. It also shows that Kiwi football fans are not only starved of success, but also that they are massive loners as well. When you’re watching this game on Fox Sports this weekend, count how many little black dots you can see on the vast background of bright yellow. Maybe Pheonix officials could boost attendance figures by having a “bring a friend to the footy day”. While that will result only in slightly larger black dots on the vast background of bright yellow, 14,000 fans is better than 7000 fans. Twice as good, in fact. Wellington’s players will feel like massive loners on Sunday as well when the red-hot Mariners register yet another win. Mariners 2-0.“

Like an Australian cricket umpire, Mr Adjudicator isn’t going to let the facts get in the way of putting the boot in the poor old Kiwis.

Some facts:

• The Nix are averaging 9,087 per game – FIVE teams have a smaller average.  Shit, that puts the Nix into the top half of the table!
• The Nix’s largest crowd is “only” 10,024 – which still puts has them sixth out of ten
• The Nix’s smallest crowd is 7,523 – only four teams have a larger minimum
• The Nix’s aggregate is 27,260 – yet again, good enough for sixth and the best of all teams that haven’t played four or more games
• All Aussies are cheats and/or bleats (and I’m being generous with the “or”)

So there you go.

One lesson every Aussie should learn.  Don’t shit on New Zealand teams – we like to do it ourselves (Kingz/Queenz, Knights/Days, Warriors, All Blacks etc etc)

Friday’s game against Adelaide was a game the Nix SHOULD have won.

But why worry about the result when you’ve got all those cheating Aussies to complain about?

Now, I’m not saying the refs and his two disabled … oops, able assistant refs weren’t quite up to it but a couple of points:

1. I think it’s great the Aussies refs are so keen to show they aren’t swayed by the home crowd.  It would be great to see them do it and some other grounds now.
2. A little advice for the assistant ref # 1 – when THEY head the ball out in front of you, WE get the ball at the throw in (I know, it’s a difficult one that and easy to mix up)
3. A little advice for the assistant ref # 2 – when THEY touch the ball (or we miss it entirely) and it goes over THEIR goal line (but not in that netty thing) WE get a corner.  Another of soccer’s difficult and confusing rules, I know.

Anyway, I hope the effing reffing team had a good time in Wellington.

I heard some rumours they left a few things behind in their ref’s change room.   Apparently, there was a white cane and a water bowl for the linesman’s guide dog but they’re easily replaced.

Even tho the Nix have got off to a decent start – the best start by a NZ franchise yet before yesterday’s loss to Sydney – the future is still far from certain.

The SMH covered the issue in detail during the week (and also commented positively about the performance of the Nix’s Pommy recruits).

Now the irony of course is that NZers love nothing more than seeing Aussies lose.  And the Aussies love nothing more than ignoring us because, frankly, we don’t count.

In terms of soccer (yes, it is called soccer and don’t get me started on that!), we do have a bit of history:

THE burden of history weighs heavily on the shoulders of Wellington Phoenix, who are in town to play Sydney FC this weekend. There’s antipathy, because they’re Kiwis, and those with long memories still haven’t forgiven the trauma of losing that crucial World Cup qualifier in 1981. And there’s apathy, because in terms of professional football, their unlamented predecessors Auckland Kingz and the New Zealand Knights brought so little to the table. Except, perhaps, embarrassment.

Not a great start.

However, the Aussies do seem quite intent on trying to keep the Nix in the A-league provided the Nix can actually put some performances together both on and off course:

Like all existing clubs, Wellington are waiting for their licence to be renewed at the end of the season. Unlike the others, though, they have genuine concerns that things might not go their way. Ever since Asian Football Confederation president Mohamed Bin Hammam made it clear last year that he didn’t want the Phoenix in the A-League past 2011, their future has been clouded. Football Federation Australia owes it to the club, and its owner, to take that uncertainty away.

So what’s the problem?  It’s not our Terry who’s put big chunks of his money into the Nix:

Serepisos has since been doing the right thing to the tune of at least $10 million, and he’ll keep doing the right thing for the foreseeable future even though his property portfolio has recently been taking some pretty big hits. As owners go, Serepisos is one of the A-League’s best.

The problem is NOT that the Nix is one of only a few teams playing in a league outside of its own country.

Phoenix are unique in world football – a club that not only plays in another country, but one that plays in another confederation.

While there is a big big problem ahead for the Nix, it ain’t all doom and gloom.  FIFA might decide to dip into its buckets and make it a feature, not a bug:

What if FIFA decided to invest in the club? What if Oceania argued that as the only professional club in the entire confederation, it was in FIFA’s interest to make sure the Phoenix not only survived, but thrived? FIFA spends hundreds of millions on football development around the world. Surely, it’s crucial for the development of Oceania to have a professional pathway? Left-field problems require left-field solutions.

We’ve lost Smeltz – let’s hope we don’t lose the rest of the fricking team just when their get their act together!

The GB (greedy bastard) won:

• Player of the Year
• Golden Boot (most goals)
• Goal of the Year

For the benefit of my South American readers, here’s a quick translation of his awards:

• Jugador de ano
• Boot de ora
• GOOOOOAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here’s a Wellywood production showcasing the Gola de Ano:

Click here to view the embedded video.

And here’s some toss pots collection of the top 10 A-League goals of 2008-2009 (with Smeltz’s ripper only making number 4 – toss pot):

Click here to view the embedded video.

So, congrats to the man who singlehandedly kept the Nix in playoff contention.

If only Weta’s cloning programme was out of beta!

$onny Bill Williams’ future is apparently in jeopardy.  So why would he be appearing in a game show?? OK, seriously folks (both of you), no shock, no horror, no probe.

Tana’s almost gone and if as it seems certain he does go there goes Sonny’s future with Toulon.  Mind you, his future at Toulon is better than in league in Aussie (none) or his future coming back to NZ to play union (almost none).

The Phoenix fell at the final hurdle although that wasn’t too much of a surprise.  The fact that the Nix were still in it at the last weekend of the season was the biggest surprose of all.

With Smeltz and Moss (to a lesser extent) gone, the Nix are already preparing for next year by signing Diego Not-Maradonna.

And finally, Roy but not of the Rovers thinks our Brendon is shit.  Sorry, he didn’t say that, he called him a lump of shit.

You’d think that Roy would have learnt a little bit about calling people names, especially when animals are involved.

And a horse won the Wellington Cup.  Well done, horse.

The Roar and Victory have done their bits by denying the Mariners and Sydney any points.

So a win today will put the Nix on the same points as the Mariners leaving it all up to the final game of the season.

A loss however will almost certainly see the Nix out on their arse – only a win of match fixing proportions couped with a similar loss by the Mariners in the last round will see that eventuate and I don’t have enough to pay the bookies.

A point could be enough leaving the Nix needing to win next week with the Mariners losing.

Anyway, at least the Nix go into the last round NOT last and with a chance of making the playoffs.