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Hat tip: the Guardian

The coach you got sacked because he got smacked.

Yep, think about Jason “Kung Fu” Taylor only got given the DCM because he got KO’ed by David “The Terminator” Fa’alogo.  Fa’alogo’s career at Souths also got terminated.

Let’s take another scenario.

Taylor goes out gets tanked, makes a gold medal dick of himself (think Dick Taylor ) and gets put in a taxi drunk as the proverbial sailor and goes home.

Hardly sackable offence given his appearance was approved at the Sad Sunday piss up.

Instead, Fa’alogo returns the serve and Taylor hits the deck.  Career over for the short term.

So yep, he’s getting the sack for getting whacked.  Not once either, according to the Sun-Herald in Oz:

[The footage ...] clearly shows Fa’alogo punching Taylor in the face after the pair were involved in kung-fu-style mucking around that got out of hand. Fa’alogo then follows up with a second strike to the back of the head, which causes Taylor to stumble down a set of stairs and out of camera shot.

Taylor’s camp has said a hotel staffer witnessed Fa’alogo punch Taylor in the head a third time off-camera. It’s understood this blow caused an egg-shaped lump on the forehead, as seen in the photo.

Three times.  No wonder his face looked like it did.

Mind you, next time you’re out on the piss, tell the Domestic CEO you’re “concussed”:

Taylor’s recollections stem primarily from viewing of the CCTV footage, as he claims to have no memory of the incident.

He was adamant that he was drinking responsibly and he submitted written evidence from three independent witnesses that he was not intoxicated as part of his submission to the club.

”He was so concussed he even smiled for the photo. He has no memory of it,” Lana Taylor said of the photograph taken shortly after the incident, which shows Taylor still in Japanese-themed attire.

Yep, all that drinking made him concussed.

Anyway, his concussion has gone along with his job at Souths.

Run, Rabbit, run.

Anyway, around here, we always focus on the big issues.

Like pissheads, dickheads and cheating Aussies.

And bingo!!! the Herald has wrapped them all up into a nice little gallery.

• Gred Inglis – dickhead
• Anthony Watmough – pisshead, dickhead
• Reni Matua – cheating Aussie
• Brett Seymour – pisshead, dickhead, Warrior (one of these words is not like the other)
• Tony Zappia (no relation to Frank) – dickhead, cheating Aussie
• Brad Fittler – pisshead, dickhead
• Nate Myles – pisshead, dickhead, shit for brains
• Mathew Johns – dickhead
• Greg Bird – pisshead, dickhead
• Brett Stuart – pisshead, dickhead

And like the Warriors against the Titans last week, I got bored and gave up.

And there’s still a couple more months for more dickheads and pissheads to emerge.

The Warriors are mired in the swamp caused by the lack of a decent number 6 since day 1.

40/20 (if you’re a mathematician, you will simply this to 2 – 40 divided by twenty – but I’m reliably informed this is pronounced Forty Twenty) has a poll on the Warriors best number 6.  You can vote here.

The choices?

• Gene Ngamu
• Michael Witt
• Lance Hohaia
• John Simon

Gene Ngamu basically got punted.

Michael Witt got punted – even tho he was one of the best kickers in the comp.  Oh the irony.  (He got punted … geddit??)

John Simon.  Punted.

Lance Hohaia.  Not punted.  Benched.  He’s not a number 6, but a number 14, 15, 16 or 17.

No Lockyer type player.  No one half the calibre of Stacey Jones.

There in lies the Warriors biggest problem.  Instead of a Darren Lockyer, we get a ex-pisshead at the club that supposedly has a no dickheads policy.

I don’t actually have a big problem with the decision to give Seymour DrinkMore one last chance.  He seems like a decent bloke who like many lets the drink take control.

But Seymour will have to live up to expectations off the park while balancing the curse of the Warriors halves.  It’s the closest to a six-pack he’ll get in Auckland.

I’ve been so bust posting about cheating Aussies and cry baby Aussies.  Let’s hope Google is taking notes.

Anyway, back to the subject of pissheads and the Warriors look like they’re putting their hopes of a half decent half in Brett Seymour.

That’s Brett Seymour – ex Bronco and Shark.  Booted from the Broncos for horsing around.  Drank like a fish at the Sharks.

That’s Brett Seymour as in See More Piss – Drink More Piss.

Let’s not forget that the Warriors ditched Sione and Misi the Pisi-head for the same things that Seymour has been getting up to.  Mind you, they were’nt halves were they?

Undoubtedly, the Warriors look like they’re taking a real punt.  It is a big risk off the field but perhaps less so on the park.

Hopefully, he’ll be able to blend into the background somewhere in the back streets of Auckland.

Or Steve Price could practice his boxing skills to knock some sense into him.

Whatever it is, let’s hope the Warriors win on and off the park next year.

If this was a couple of days ago, you would rightly thinking I was pulling your tit.

But no, it apparently is true and it cost the poor Pommy tax payers almost $200,000 to fly the MP’s here.

Now, I note from the tags used so far on this blog that “pissheads” appears to have been a bit of a theme.

I don’t want to start a rumour (OK, go on) but …

The MP’s flew to arriving in Auckland then flew down to Wellington.

A couple are still there.

Completely co-incidentally of course, the NZ cricketers happen to be in Wellington.

I’m not saying the events are connected … BUT if you search on the tag “pisshead” I think you’ll find a few post about NZ cricketers!

You could say I took the piss out of a pisshead.

You call also call the Jesse’s had a reputation for having a bit of fun too.

Regardless of the past, it clear that right now he is happy to simply do his job.

In fact, he’s making it look quite easy.  Yep, Easy Ryder.

A maiden test century last test and now an unbeaten 137 with the distinct possibility of more to come.

What’s just as impressive is his consistency which naturally leads to an impressive average.  Check out his stats at Cricinfo.

In 14 test innings, he’s now hit 2 tons and 4 half centuries.  Not surprisingly, his test average is over 50 (and will increase after his second ton).

His ODI average is also pretty healthy, a touch under 40.

Without knowing the details, it’s hard to work out who’s been helping out in the background.  Having said that he still has to make it happen when it matters and that’s exactly what he’s been doing.

One interesting aspect to the double century partnership between Ryder and Ross Taylor was that it showed a significant cultural change for the NZ cricket team.

Two bros – one Maori, one Samoan – were out there doing the business for NZ cricket.

All power to them and let’s hope it’s a sign of things to come, both for NZ cricket and for both the players.

And Jesse – cheers mate!

The footy is still great, lots of close games, a few boilovers, and the two refs were hardly noticed at all.

And we have the first player pisshead controversy of the year – before a ball was even kicked in anger.

Now, I can repeat the Willie Lose line about players not being role models.

I accept that to agree – rugby players (union or league) shouldn’t be confused with rocket scientists or anyone else for that matter with a skill or expertise that contributes to society’s betterment.

They are now no more than well-paid entertainers. And there in lines the nub of the issue for me.

Manly as the reigning premiers (and current world club champs) will undoubtedly be expecting some commercial payback from these results on the field.

Commercial sponsors will naturally be lining up to associate themselves with Manly to share in this reflected glory.   It is synergistic – players like Brett Stewart earn big dollars from the money that businesses put in to the game, along with the dollars put in by the long suffering fan.

So a player hitting a sponsor does not seem to be expected outcome a sponsor would have put into their eent marketing plan!

As with Jesse Ryder, players have a right if they so choose to be dickheard pissheads.    No one is holding a gun to their head.

However, at functions, players need to accept that they are in a commercial relationship and that this is simply part of their employment.

Again, it’s quite simple.   If players don’t want to attend, they shouldn’t have to.

By the same token, clubs shouldn’t be expected to part with large buckets of money for players who don’t want to help themselves and their club.

The big part of the problem as Willie Lose often suggests is that these are just footy players.

We have expectations that they will understand the right thing to do.    For most, their skills as players means for most of their life people have overlooked their weaknesses and sycophatnicly fawned on the players.

For me it’s simple – it’s an employment issue and responsibility.    If players can’t learn to behave as employees, they should be disciplined, warned and if the warning is not heeded, sacked. Simple.

Players like Stewart aren’t role models. They are dickheads.

Now, can we please get back to the footy and bagging the Super 14?

No, it’s not New Zealand rugby.

Apparently the Rolling Stones are considering giving Ronnie Wood the DCM (Don’t Come Monday) if he doesn’t clean up his act.

According to Stuff:

Ronnie failed his medical for the 2002/2003 tour because he was drinking seven times the recommended number of alcohol units a week. He had to spend months drying out at a clinic in Arizona.

Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought this type of “team building” was compulsory for rock groups and John Mitchell’s rugby teams.

Mind you, all that drinking obviously hasn’t impacted on his … err performance away from the drum kit.

Apart from excessive drinking, his hobbies also include 20 year old Russians with a tendency to flash their prime assets.  We can only conclude that even with all that pissing up, he can still get satisfaction.

Because of the need to reach across sports and hold an event on one day, the SBDO plan is to hire stadia like Mt Smart Stadium, invite famous sports people and have one great big party with the punters.

Headline acts for the inaugural Sports Big Day Out are:

• Jimmy Cowan
• Jesse Ryder
• Roy Symonds
• and Michael Phelps

Even though he’s retired, Stephen Fleming has been invited (along with a couple of his former Black Cap mates).  Fleming will also be in charge of specatator comfort levels.